On Confidence - Part Duex

So, the other night, I wrote about confidence, and I guess now it's time to follow up with that. I said that it was totally mental, and it can't be physical. I talk to my friend Will all the time about his confidence level, and he always responds positive about his image. He is probably one of the most secure people I know at his age. Then I got to thinking, what is it that Will has that I don't have?

I used to think that with age, you got more mature, and with more maturity, you could gain more confidence about yourself. But, I am finding myself, the older I get, the less confident I am feeling about myself, and the less and less "attractive" I am feeling about myself. My gosh, when did I become that guy? This is horrible, I am only 31, but yet, I am having some kind of post 20s breakdown and some kind of "pre-mid-life" crisis. Is this allowed? Am I allowed to have some kind of breakdown at 31? Or is there something else to this equation? I kept thinking about this for a while, and finally gave up. I decided, maybe I can focus on something else by watching TV. Then while channel surfing, I stumbled across a Formula One race. I used to watch this a lot when I lived in Japan, because F-1 racing is huge over there. I started to remember names like Michael Schumacher, (sp?) and all of the drivers that I used to love. Then while watching the race, I saw a car go into the pit stop. Now, I love watching people in the pit stop, how is it that a pit crew can change 4 tires, fill up gas, and wipe the windows in 10 seconds or less? I swear if you pump gas for 10 seconds at a gas station, it would only fill up about 4 gallons.

Anyway, then it hit me. Pit stop. Pit stop? PIT STOP! My goodness, the answer was always there! Everyone needs a pit stop. They say life is a journey, and you gotta keep moving. Or even, it's not the results that matter, but the process of how you get there. In our everyday life, life has gotten so busy that we barely look around to notice all the beauty that surrounds us. All of the aesthetic qualities have suddenly turned to materialistic qualities. In all the stresses that are caused with life right now, does my life need to drive into the pit stop? Make some corrections and then get back onto the road to tear up this race?

I think everyone needs a pit stop. People tend to talk about life is about multitasking, and life is short, you gotta live while you can. To people like that I say, "damn it, I am living it. Stop telling me how to live my life and back off". Confidence comes from your perception on life, I personally think. If you feel that life is good, then I am assuming you are more confident. If you feel that life sucks, then I am assuming your confidence sucks. The more you take time for yourself, the less time you have comparing your life to someone else's life. The grass is always greener on someone else's yard, but the world is round, and eventually someone always is playing catch up. Confidence is about realizing that you are who you are, and whether you like it or not, it's the best thing going on for you. In the words of Sheryl Crow, "it's not having what you want, but it's wanting what you have". Man, that's good stuff.

So, today I declare independence to the world, and today I stand a changed man. Let the world know that on 10/19/05, I went into my personal pit stop to make a turn up for my life. I guess I am good to go for another 5000 miles. In life, there is so much more that I haven't seen that I need to explore. And more importantly, knowing that it is ok to be myself, and stand strong.

Because after all...life is beautiful.
Love,
James