Spare some change?

I attended a professional workshop that was about change, and how to adapt to it, and to evaluate the way we see change. The book "Who Moved My Cheese" was used to accelerate the breakdown of change. During this workshop, I came to realize my own adaptation to change, and how flexible I am to change. Then I got to thinking about the characters of the book, and how I quickly identified with one of the characters named "Sniff". Sniff is one of those mice that is constantly moving and looking for the next thing and is checking things out as things start to get stale or less interesting, Sniff starts to make a move and go searching for new things.

I have always been this way. Always constantly thinking of the next thing, the next big project, the next job, the next season, the next everything. I have always been eager to change, and always looking for something more than I have. While my discussion in my little subgroup talk, it got me thinking, "do I ever live in the present?" With always looking at change, do I ever really enjoy the moment? or am I constantly focused on the next thing and am I losing who and where I am at the moment?

I think I am having a hard time dealing with this. I always have thought that I was on the ball with change and I was great at moving to new cities and adapting to a new jobs came rather easily. There are definitely benefits in being adaptable, but are there really moments that I should be living to the fullest to? or can people ever completely live in the moment? I sometimes think that subconsciously everyone looks to the future. I also think that everyone looks into their past too. But, the present is such a pivotal point in such a long continuum, that I wonder how people can really focus on such a small point in a life. I guess it's like "light waves". People used to think that light waves were actual waves, but then some hot shot scientist really found out that light waves weren't really waves but many small dots that were connected that appeared like waves.

I am at my last semester at Salisbury University, and I am already looking at my new job. I think I need to focus on where I am at, and live in the present because I only get to live life once rather than living a step ahead of me, and never being able to see all my accomplishments right now. The idea of change only works with the assumptions that there was something to change from. Many good things happen from change, like a caterpillar turning to a butterfly or a tadpole to a frog. But I need to remember that caterpillar and the tadpole also are just as significant as the butterfly and the frog. It just is so much more fun to fly, or even hop around. I may need to learn how to crawl before I can walk, but I definitely need to live in the moment and celebrate who I am right now, and not who I want to be.

A Mouthful of Fun!

So, I am sitting here at the university coffee shop with my new prescription for antibiotics in my hand because I have a new and improved infection in my gums. I guess I have put off the dentist too long, and finally it has caught up to me. When the nurse practitioner asked me "when was the last time you went to the dentist?" I honestly didn't know the answer to that question. Part of it is because I hate the dentist. I use the word hate intentionally here.

Flashback to my last dentist experience. It was when I was still in Minnesota, and I was eating Chinese Food, and my wisdom tooth broke. Why I didn't get them pulled in the first place leads me right back to square one of fear of the dentist. Nevertheless, my tooth broke, and I had to go to the dentist because I was in such excruciating pain. When I got to the dentist, the idea was to pull the tooth out. I then endured the needle in my mouth, and slowly my tooth got pulled out. in the mean time, I am going into a hyper-anxiety attack and before they can pull the tooth out, the last words I hear is..."James, I need you to relax...James...try to relax...take a deep breath James...oh, he passed out.." Yes, right there on the dentist bed, I passed out.

So, now, I have to head back to the dentist again, I need a lot of work done. Just the idea of it makes me sweat, and weak to my knees. But, this time I am a different man. A man with a new years resolution that includes "take better care of myself". With a somewhat forced sense of confidence, I guess I am heading to the dentist with a little more support, from all the little voices in my head. I couldn't help but think, do people ever get over their fears? Does the result justify the mean? For too long, I left the result of good health go for the fear of the dentist, and where did that get me? No where. I am kicking myself in the butt right now wishing I was a little smarter, but I guess these are some lessons I need to learn in life. Health is such a fragile but beautiful privilege in life. You don't have the right to be healthy if you don't take care of yourself, and I learned my lesson the hard way. Somethings happen without reason, but most things happen with a reason. I guess the laws of physics work for everything after all.

I guess after all said and done, it's not what you do it life, it's how you do it in life. So often I am humbled with my experiences and life keeps giving me small hints to let me know that there are so many things that make this beautiful, and yet so challenging. Who ever said life was a game anyway? Life isn't a game, in a game, there are winners and losers. And I can't imagine a life with an outcome with a loss. I'd like to think of life as more like a coloring book. Who cares if you color well or not, or stay in the lines. The important part is you keep coloring and keep turning the pages. So, all this thought because of some bad teeth...I guess I needed something to sink my teeth into something, and maybe even chew on some thoughts for a little bit...after all, Jello isn't all that filling for the mind anyway...

Six and the City!

So, 2005 came and went. I didn't do so well on the postings in 2005, so, I made a commitment to do a better job in 2006. Sorry Steve and Tom (and sometimes Will) pretty much my only readership, I promise I will do a better job this year!

So, 2006 is going to be an exciting year for me. I am finally going to graduate with my Masters in Education in May. So what happens after that? Well, I have my fingers crosses that I will move back to Chicago, where I spent my summer. I absolutely loved it there, and I can't wait to move back and reunite will all my Chicago friends.

People say that you fall in love with something right when something is about to end. Looking back at thee last 2 years, I really had a great time here at Salisbury, MD. I met some incredible people, and people that I want to remain close to for the rest of my life. I met spectacular students and was constantly inspired to do a better job here at the University. I am really glad that some very smart people convinced me that Salisbury was the right fit for me even without the ability to drive, or being a city guy. I guess there is an opportunity for everyone here. I am going to miss this little town. After all, I guess it turned out to be a little bit country, and yet, a little bit rock and roll.

So, 2006, I am looking forward to this exciting year. I am going to make a move back into a city, where the buildings are tall, and the public transportation is plenty, where the people are diverse, and you can be whoever you want to be again. So, Two-Thousand-Six and the City, here I come! Like Carrie Bradshaw on a mission for shoes, I am on a mission for the views. (although people who know me well would say that I might go on a mission for shoes too!)

More to come in 2006!!! A special thank you to Stacie and Kyle (and the penguin) for hosting me in New Mexico for the holidays! You are wonderful, and I can't thank you enough!