Who I am.

I am 32 years old, and 6'1 180lbs dark hair and brown eyes. I am half Japanese and half American. My American side is really unknown - my Mom's madden name is "White", I am not sure if that gives out too much information. Maybe English? Religiously I am Christian, but non-denominational. I often seem to rely on my faith when bad things are happening, and rely on the idea of luck, or destiny when good things are happening. My sexuality is gay, and often feel that I unable to fall in love. I wonder if I ever will, or even more importantly start believing that I will fall in love. Sometimes I don't even believe in love - That's a lie, it's more often than not I don't believe in it. I would probably put myself in the upper side of the low income bracket. I probably make much less than my friends my age, but considering my housing is covered, I have a good life. My name is also interesting. My first name is Shigeo, which I go by at work. My friends know me as James - my middle name. This was started because many people couldn't pronounce the name Shigeo, and it made me frustrated. (pronounced she-gay-o)

My professional career is fantastic. I love my job. I am a resident director at the University of Illinois at Chicago. I live on campus like I said earlier, and I get to supervise two of the front desk managers, 16 of the resident assistants, 1 assistant resident director, and 1 office assistant. I also advise a fraternity on campus, and also the residence hall government for south campus - which I am super excited about! These students are so cool, and I really am excited with what they might accomplish this year. This is my 6th year in Student Affairs, and I am starting to feel more like a veteran every day of my life. With that, I am feeling more and more confident at what I do, and rediscovering my job every day as a new opportunity presents itself every day.

Educationally, I have had a great experience. I graduated with a bachelors in Leadership Development from St. Cloud State University in St. Cloud, MN. It took 6 years to get a 4 year degree. I started my college career as a Secondary Education major, then turned Math, then Biology, then International Business, then Engineering, and finally Leadership. Hence the 6 years. after 4 and a half years, I could have graduated with an engineering degree, but I really saw passion in higher education, and I wanted to move forward in that career. Then after a stay in Philadelphia, I moved to Maryland to get my masters in Education. 2 years there, and finished my masters, and here I am today in Chicago. Ironic that all those things in my undergraduate degree which started with Education, and finally get my masters in Education to finish off my current Educational career. I plan to some day go get my Ph.D. I plan to figure out in what area soon. If you have some advise, please let me know.

I have lived all over the place. Started off in Japan, then still Japan, but moved to an island called Okinawa for 4 years, then back to Tokyo till I was 19. Then I moved to Minnesota for college which I spent the next 6 years. Then tired of the midwest, I picked up and moved to Philadelphia and started to work for a publishing company. I lied to everyone in MN, that I had a job, but I searched while I was in Philly. I didn't have the heart to tell everyone that I was leaving them for no really good reason other than my own selfishness. Then I spent 8 months in Wilmington, DE, and then moved back to Philadelphia again to the campus of La Salle University to start my career in student affairs. After 3 years at La Salle, I moved to Salisbury, MD for graduate school. Probably the worst experience of my life, but looking back, I can honestly say I was truly an amazing experience with the students that I got a chance to meet and get to know. Both years at Salisbury provided to be a great experience professionally, but personally, I hated it. HATED IT!! Interesting point about education is that I went to school in Japan from K-12. There I was labeled as Half American - so I was different. Here I come to the US and go to college I am labeled as Half Asian - Again I was different. I have struggled with this idea all my life of not fitting in quite appropriately in any societal labels.

So, that brings me to Chicago. Where I am now. Still single, still questioning religion, still questioning love, still 6'1, and 180lbs, still Japanese American, and still 32. Some of my other things are, I LOVE music. Any kind. I like to sing, not good at it, but I like it. I wish I was a signer, or an actor. I own about 300 CDs and enjoy all sorts of music. I also am a huge movie buff. I haven't had a chance to go see many movies lately, but when I do, I am the type of person that likes to show up early, sit down with a full bag of pop corn, and wait for the lights to dim so that I can enjoy all of the previews. Time is a huge stickler for me. I hate being late. I hate people that are late too. In fact, I am usually early to everything. I end up usually wasting a lot of life because of it, waiting around for 10-15 minutes for people. Time is one of the biggest things that make me frustrated. I eat a lot too. I have a VERY healthy relationship with food. I'll eat anything. There is very little that I don't like. Brussels Sprouts, and Mayo is about the only two things that I have sincerely disliked so far. Oh, and black jelly beans too.

Sexually I have been pretty adventurous at times. I am active in sex, but yet, fairly selective with sex as well. I tend to fear sincere intimacy, but yet, I desire it. I have a hard time committing to the idea of a relationship, but yet, I constantly wonder what it would be like to be in one. Sex is something that is really fun to me, and sometimes I wonder if it isn't as powerful as it should be in my mind. By no means is it casual, but yet, to me, it doesn't seem like a big deal. I want it to be, but for some reason, I don't view it that way currently.

Making friends doesn't come easy for me. People always think it does for me, but I am one of the most introverted people when it comes to putting myself out there. Most of it comes from a lack of confidence in feeling attractive enough, or funny enough, or even important enough to make a new friend. You know that guy that is always pushed out of a circle of conversation, or people unintentionally turn their back on and the conversation suddenly excludes people? that's always me. I also get pushed out of a conversation, or easily taken advantage of. People joke with me a lot, and sometimes say mean things and hurt my feelings a lot. I tend to not be able to decipher the difference of a joke and seriousness sometimes. I also struggle with trusting people. I either trust someone too much, and don't get the same level in return, or can't trust people enough, and end up pushing myself too much and doing an half ass job. Socially, I always feel awkward and don't feel like I have figured out my niche in this world. I often try to be someone I am not, and end up being exhausted trying to fit in. I often care more about how others feel than how I feel, and ends up hurting me more.

So, other things. I like long walks, I like ice cream - especially the snickers ice cream bars my absolute favorite, I like McDonnalds milkshakes and chicken nuggets, I like to read, I like to camp, I like sports - baseball is my favorite. I like to play sports - I enjoy just about everything. I am probably one of the most competitive people I know, sometimes it gets me in trouble because of it. I LOVE Ikea - I could live there. I like CB2 and Crate and Barrle, I really like coffee - dunkin donuts coffee is my favorite no matter how childish that makes me feel. Jason Mraz is my favorite signer, and Bon Jovi and U2 are a close second. I LOVE jazz, I like country, I like pop, and I love rock. Yeah, I like it all, I really like SexyBack. I laugh a lot at stupid commercials, in fact I laugh a lot at ones that are probably not that funny. I am easily amused. I love shopping at Target and getting things I probably don't need. I love buying new shoes. Boy do I love shoes. I love chips and salsa - mild salsa, and Chipotle makes me happy. I enjoy riding subways, and going different places. I really like parks, and going downtown and people watching - I make up stories for them. I am scared of heights, and I can't stand going up in tall buildings in an elevator - it makes me really nervous.

Respect, Trust, and Honesty are the three things I value most in my life. So far, I feel I have lived a full life and I really have enjoyed who I am today. I am glad I have an opportunity to share this with everyone, and I hope this is one small step towards getting to know who I am, and knowing why I do things the way I do sometimes.

Thanks. - Me.