I was having sushi for dinner with Eron, Blake and Brian, and the conversation of relationships was brought up. Whenever I seem to have dinner with Eron and Brian it seems like the conversation is always something intriguing. Anyway, in the conversation, we talked about what it means to be happy and feel complete. I understand that these are too different things, and there are huge amounts of complications and psychological theory that has been written about these two issues. But, never the less, I need to try to make sense of this idea in my own words to satisfy my mind.
Eron brought up the idea that life doesn't seem to ever be complete when you are single. Now, let's set this scene up. Eron, Single, Blake & Brian, together with each other, and me, single. At this point of the conversation, Blake and I both chime in and tell Eron that you have to be complete on your own before you can truly be with someone, and only you can complete yourself. You can't be searching for something to complete you, but you have to be able to complete your self.
There is the famous scene/line in the movie "Jerry McGuire" where two deaf people are signing to each other in the elevator while Tom Cruise and Renee Zelwinger are heading down the elevator. Tom asks Renee "I wonder what they were talking about", and Renee says "They said 'you complete me." Clearly this is an example of what Eron is talking about. So, do Blake and I have a case? Do, we actually need someone else to complete our own lives? Or is the responsibility of completion truly a individual task?
If being complete requires a companionship, then that means that potentially many of us aren't living a full life. However, if companionship does not require completion, then many of us are with someone for the wrong reason. And if being complete is the source of happiness, then does that mean we truly can not be happy unless we are with someone?
As I ask this question, I thought about this over and over in mind head. Can someone truly be happy and single? Can we ever say that honestly? There is that argument with people that say "looks aren't important, as long as there is the personality" but yet, if you dig deep inside to the back corner of your heart, there is that little something that says that looks do actually matter to you, and you have to be attracted to someone at the most basic level to even be together with someone. On the same level of honesty, is being single ok with anyone? Yes people can argue that some people "aren't ready to date" or "getting over a old relationship" but while they are waiting, or getting over something, does that postpone their happiness, or even dissolve their sadness?
Does Eron have a case here? Is Eron onto something, and am I the one that has convinced myself with the self fulfilling prophesy that I am postponing my own happiness by faking my honest feelings and coming up with a lousy and melodramatic excuse of "trying to be happy with myself" medicine? What if Eron is right? What if we do need companionship to truly find happiness in our life? Does that mean that those of us that can't find companionship can't find happiness either? In the most basic things in life, is there something more satisfying than a true love? I guess the great Beatles once said "Can't by me love" and thus, is this the basic need that we need in our life that creates something that we need to express?
Maybe I need to be more like Eron in life. To not settle for the easy answer and in fact the less honest answer, but to put my true feelings out be more up front with myself. I wish I could be more like Eron in my life where he isn't scared to admit that he needs someone to complete his life. I am not sure if I believe that I need someone to complete my life, but there is a dishonest side of me if I said I was happily single. Looking to complete myself on my own terms is just a fancy way of saying I have issues and I am not confident enough to show those things to others. Well, let me be the first to admit that I have tons of issues and they aren't that pretty. But yet, if I am looking for that perfect moment that I feel complete, then maybe that perfect someone might be long gone, or even I may be too late. I only live once, and I need to start being honest with myself and stop kidding around about what it is that I believe in.
Thanks Eron for being so upfront and honest with me.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Things that need to be said
It's the season of giving thanks, and I often don't express my gratitude towards people enough. The following is a collection of my naked raw feelings of thankfulness.
Mom & Dad - Thanks for allowing me to learn the lessons of growing up and appreciating my independence and allowing me to live my life as I want.
Will - Thanks for the wonderful friendship, even if we parted our friendship, you were truly my best friend through grad school.
Amy - Wow, you were the reason I went to grad school. You are a wonderful mother and I hope our paths cross again sometime soon.
Mel - Thanks for the inspiration and the long chats. I am glad things are working out for you for your graduation.
Chester 05-06 - Holy cow!! I will never forget you!! Staff, you know who you are - I will always have a very VERY special part in my heart for you.
Ben - I am so glad I met you, I honestly can say I miss you. I hope things are going well in Washington, and I really can't wait to see you sometime again, probably in New Mexico or Oregon.
Mark - Man, so many great things were learned from you. You and Christina are like the perfect couple that everyone is happy around.
Amber - Thanks for a great experience at La Salle. I really am glad I got a chance to work with you. Thanks for challenging me.
La Salle Students and Staff - You were one of the main reasons where I am today. Thank you so much! Even though Matt is gone, I always think of you guys and how much time we spent growing up together.
Robbie - Man, am I lucky to have the opportunity to work with you. Thanks for challenging me, supporting me, really being my biggest cheer leader and my best teacher a man could ever need. Thanks for making me a better professional, and more importantly a better person.
Derrick - Thanks for all you do. It has been awesome working with you this year, and I will really miss you as you move on. Thanks for all the care and passion you put into your job.
Carolyn - Thanks for always keeping it real. I always can count on you for telling me the truth and that's one quality I rarely find in people. Thanks for always pushing me to do better at what I do.
Holly - Thanks for always putting a smile on my face. For the mid-afternoon getaways, for the countless dog chats, for the "can't quite walk straight" moments, for every little thing we laugh so hard about. Simply, thank you.
UIC Staff - Thanks for everything so far! I know our relationship is really starting to grow, but I look forward to getting to know each other, and having a great year! Thanks for making me look good all the time!
Todd - Thanks for your company, and friendship. You gave me hope that there is still good left out there. Thanks for your honesty and continued friendship.
Chrissy - Through tough times and good times, you have always been there for me. Thank you for everything. This comment is not enough. Your friendship means the world to me, and I am glad that you are part of my family, and I am part of yours.
Cary - Man, sometimes you are tough on me, but I have nothing but love for you. You always know how to push my buttons, but I know you do it because you care. Thanks Cary!!
Aaron - One of the main reasons I wanted to move to Chicago. I have never met someone with such a gentle heart and a wide open mind! I know you are going places, and you truly deserve every moment of it.
Ed - What can I say. In the last couple years I feel like I have grown so close to you, ironically after I left Philly. Thanks for the long talks and even longer walks and all of the "fabulous" things in between. I can't wait to see you again.
Bill - Thanks for always making me laugh. No matter how low you are in the fantasy baseball standings, you truly have kept it motivating for everyone that participates. I miss talking to you and having all our appropriate and inappropriate conversations.
April - Thanks for giving me the chance. I can't thank you enough. You changed my life and I owe everything to you, and also get to blame everything on you too. I miss you so much, and I hope I get to see you again. I could go on and on about our time, but I wouldn't know where to stop, so I will save it for another time.
Stacie and Kyle - I can't thank you enough. I am not even going to try. You mean the world to me and without you, I am not sure where I would be in life. Even as I type this, I feel like I am about to cry with the sense of happiness that comes over me when I think of you two and how important you are to me. I love you through all our times and I can't wait to see you again. You truly have made me a better person.
Tom - I think I need to invent a word that means more than thank you. Your friendship has meant the world to me, and everything you have done for me has made me grow as a person. Thanks for watching out for me through the low moments and the high times. You truly are an amazing person and I look forward to our continued friendship. Everything that has happened, including the move to Chicago was because of you. Meeting you was one of the best things that has happened to me in my life.
Steve - Uh-huh. You know you are last person. How can I possibly start to describe what you mean to me. You made this transition in my life not only easy, but meaningful. I know we don't see each other as much as we should, but I hope you know how much your friendship means to me. Through the high times and the low moments, in such a short time you changed my life. You were there when I needed someone the most, and you always give me the joy of life. Every moment is a new and unpredictable moment with you and for that I thank you.
Molly - I know you probably will never read this, but thanks for always giving me unconditional love. Even through the accidents, and the long walks to wait for you to do you thang, I truly couldn't have asked for a more perfect roommate. I love you.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Mom & Dad - Thanks for allowing me to learn the lessons of growing up and appreciating my independence and allowing me to live my life as I want.
Will - Thanks for the wonderful friendship, even if we parted our friendship, you were truly my best friend through grad school.
Amy - Wow, you were the reason I went to grad school. You are a wonderful mother and I hope our paths cross again sometime soon.
Mel - Thanks for the inspiration and the long chats. I am glad things are working out for you for your graduation.
Chester 05-06 - Holy cow!! I will never forget you!! Staff, you know who you are - I will always have a very VERY special part in my heart for you.
Ben - I am so glad I met you, I honestly can say I miss you. I hope things are going well in Washington, and I really can't wait to see you sometime again, probably in New Mexico or Oregon.
Mark - Man, so many great things were learned from you. You and Christina are like the perfect couple that everyone is happy around.
Amber - Thanks for a great experience at La Salle. I really am glad I got a chance to work with you. Thanks for challenging me.
La Salle Students and Staff - You were one of the main reasons where I am today. Thank you so much! Even though Matt is gone, I always think of you guys and how much time we spent growing up together.
Robbie - Man, am I lucky to have the opportunity to work with you. Thanks for challenging me, supporting me, really being my biggest cheer leader and my best teacher a man could ever need. Thanks for making me a better professional, and more importantly a better person.
Derrick - Thanks for all you do. It has been awesome working with you this year, and I will really miss you as you move on. Thanks for all the care and passion you put into your job.
Carolyn - Thanks for always keeping it real. I always can count on you for telling me the truth and that's one quality I rarely find in people. Thanks for always pushing me to do better at what I do.
Holly - Thanks for always putting a smile on my face. For the mid-afternoon getaways, for the countless dog chats, for the "can't quite walk straight" moments, for every little thing we laugh so hard about. Simply, thank you.
UIC Staff - Thanks for everything so far! I know our relationship is really starting to grow, but I look forward to getting to know each other, and having a great year! Thanks for making me look good all the time!
Todd - Thanks for your company, and friendship. You gave me hope that there is still good left out there. Thanks for your honesty and continued friendship.
Chrissy - Through tough times and good times, you have always been there for me. Thank you for everything. This comment is not enough. Your friendship means the world to me, and I am glad that you are part of my family, and I am part of yours.
Cary - Man, sometimes you are tough on me, but I have nothing but love for you. You always know how to push my buttons, but I know you do it because you care. Thanks Cary!!
Aaron - One of the main reasons I wanted to move to Chicago. I have never met someone with such a gentle heart and a wide open mind! I know you are going places, and you truly deserve every moment of it.
Ed - What can I say. In the last couple years I feel like I have grown so close to you, ironically after I left Philly. Thanks for the long talks and even longer walks and all of the "fabulous" things in between. I can't wait to see you again.
Bill - Thanks for always making me laugh. No matter how low you are in the fantasy baseball standings, you truly have kept it motivating for everyone that participates. I miss talking to you and having all our appropriate and inappropriate conversations.
April - Thanks for giving me the chance. I can't thank you enough. You changed my life and I owe everything to you, and also get to blame everything on you too. I miss you so much, and I hope I get to see you again. I could go on and on about our time, but I wouldn't know where to stop, so I will save it for another time.
Stacie and Kyle - I can't thank you enough. I am not even going to try. You mean the world to me and without you, I am not sure where I would be in life. Even as I type this, I feel like I am about to cry with the sense of happiness that comes over me when I think of you two and how important you are to me. I love you through all our times and I can't wait to see you again. You truly have made me a better person.
Tom - I think I need to invent a word that means more than thank you. Your friendship has meant the world to me, and everything you have done for me has made me grow as a person. Thanks for watching out for me through the low moments and the high times. You truly are an amazing person and I look forward to our continued friendship. Everything that has happened, including the move to Chicago was because of you. Meeting you was one of the best things that has happened to me in my life.
Steve - Uh-huh. You know you are last person. How can I possibly start to describe what you mean to me. You made this transition in my life not only easy, but meaningful. I know we don't see each other as much as we should, but I hope you know how much your friendship means to me. Through the high times and the low moments, in such a short time you changed my life. You were there when I needed someone the most, and you always give me the joy of life. Every moment is a new and unpredictable moment with you and for that I thank you.
Molly - I know you probably will never read this, but thanks for always giving me unconditional love. Even through the accidents, and the long walks to wait for you to do you thang, I truly couldn't have asked for a more perfect roommate. I love you.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Easily Amused?
So, ok. I know I haven't posted things in a while, but seriously, it's just a blog. So, I decided to put a collection of things I enjoy. I hope you like some of my favorites, and I hope you get to know me better.
I like Sunday afternoons when I can lay around with Molly (my puppy) and fall asleep on the couch. I enjoy watching football on TV, but usually muted so I can see what's going on, but enjoy doing other things at the same time. I enjoy reading, even if I don't finish the book quickly. I enjoy going to the movies alone and getting there about 30 minutes early and watch the slide show in the theater, building the excitement till the ultimate fun starts - the previews. :) I like going out to eat, and trying new things. I like going to museums, zoos, aquariums, and garage sales. Yes, I said it, garage sales. I like writing, and sometimes I can't help but wonder if we really can express our soul through writing, or simply our writing becomes our soul. (that ones for you Steve)
I enjoy ice cream. Boy do I ever. I like any form of it, the my favorites are the ones that have peanut butter in them. I enjoy great salads, and croutons are my favorite part of the salad. Sometimes I will even save them till the end to make me happy. I enjoy singing, unfortunate for the world, I do. I enjoy dancing too, again, unfortunate for the world, but I do. I enjoy going on long roadtrips, fortunate for the world, I don't drive. But, I am an excellent backseat driver. I love exploring new things, and traveling to new parts of the world and seeing new things. I love meeting new people, but only if it is on a smaller scale, and not in big groups. I love piano music, and love it even more if they can sing while playing. I love people who can play acoustic guitar. I love it when I go camping and people can play the guitar and sing by the fire. Speaking of fire, I love BBQs too. I love to start the fire. I love that song standing outside of the fire by Garth Brooks too.
I love going to tower records (even though they are closing) and finding CDs that no one owns and trying to keep them a secret before they get too popular. I enjoy those listening booths at record stores as well. I really enjoy buying new music as well, all kinds of music, from rap to hip-hop, to jazz to pop to rock to dance. I enjoy going downtown and just people watching and making up stories for people. I like to get lost in downtown sounds and lights and be part of the city and enjoy the scenery. I like going into department stores and looking at things I can't afford. Speaking of department stores, I enjoy finding good sales too. I like buying new shoes, and I like shoes that are somewhat on the obnoxious side. I like to be unique and I feel that it shows my creative side. I love creative things, and consider ikea to be one of the most creative places. I LOVE ikea. I like CB2 as well. I would love to someday have the ikea design team come in and design my kitchen.
I really enjoy architecture. I love big huge tower constructions, as well as unique Franklin Lloyd Wright like houses. I like exploring new places and finding new hole in the wall places to eat as well. I enjoy Italian food, Mexican food, Japanese food, Korean food, who am I kidding, I like any kind of food. Shepard’s Pie is one of my favorite things, next to Sushi. :)
I like to play sports, I enjoy softball, tennis, basketball, volleyball, ping-pong, pretty much any sports I will try at least once. I like to stay active. I love to play strategy stuff too, and love thinking about the game as a whole, and someday I would love to be a manager or a coach of a team. Speaking of team, I love the Olympics, I love to watch cities compete with each other to try to host the Olympics. I would love to be on a team that tries to bring the Olympics to a city as well. On Sundays, I love going out and playing softball with my friends, I love my friends. Softball is the main way I have met my friends, and I absolutely adore them. I am not sure how my life would be without my friends. Since I am not very close to my family, my friends are not only something I enjoy, they are valuable to me. I enjoy going out after a game and having a beer, and getting to know people in more than just softball ways.
I like long walks, late night food, sleeping in, waking up early, walking the dog, working out, being lazy, and pretty much anything that is important to being a human. I enjoy dreaming big, and putting myself out there and living in the present. I like to be inspired, and I like to inspire people as well. Speaking of inspired, I am posting one of my favorite clips from youtube as well. Just click on the word "Easily Amused?" on the title line (select the user from the video and you will find something else special Aaron, Tom and Steve). This inspires me, and wish I could play the piano like this, and sing like this too. I found this clip on a lazy Sunday afternoon while I was laying around with Molly (my puppy). I enjoy things that make full circle, and ironically, football is on TV, still muted. I hear the city below me, and I feel happy that I am living in a wonderful city.
Dream big, worry little. Todd, things will get better, I promise. :) Good things happen to good people....
I like Sunday afternoons when I can lay around with Molly (my puppy) and fall asleep on the couch. I enjoy watching football on TV, but usually muted so I can see what's going on, but enjoy doing other things at the same time. I enjoy reading, even if I don't finish the book quickly. I enjoy going to the movies alone and getting there about 30 minutes early and watch the slide show in the theater, building the excitement till the ultimate fun starts - the previews. :) I like going out to eat, and trying new things. I like going to museums, zoos, aquariums, and garage sales. Yes, I said it, garage sales. I like writing, and sometimes I can't help but wonder if we really can express our soul through writing, or simply our writing becomes our soul. (that ones for you Steve)
I enjoy ice cream. Boy do I ever. I like any form of it, the my favorites are the ones that have peanut butter in them. I enjoy great salads, and croutons are my favorite part of the salad. Sometimes I will even save them till the end to make me happy. I enjoy singing, unfortunate for the world, I do. I enjoy dancing too, again, unfortunate for the world, but I do. I enjoy going on long roadtrips, fortunate for the world, I don't drive. But, I am an excellent backseat driver. I love exploring new things, and traveling to new parts of the world and seeing new things. I love meeting new people, but only if it is on a smaller scale, and not in big groups. I love piano music, and love it even more if they can sing while playing. I love people who can play acoustic guitar. I love it when I go camping and people can play the guitar and sing by the fire. Speaking of fire, I love BBQs too. I love to start the fire. I love that song standing outside of the fire by Garth Brooks too.
I love going to tower records (even though they are closing) and finding CDs that no one owns and trying to keep them a secret before they get too popular. I enjoy those listening booths at record stores as well. I really enjoy buying new music as well, all kinds of music, from rap to hip-hop, to jazz to pop to rock to dance. I enjoy going downtown and just people watching and making up stories for people. I like to get lost in downtown sounds and lights and be part of the city and enjoy the scenery. I like going into department stores and looking at things I can't afford. Speaking of department stores, I enjoy finding good sales too. I like buying new shoes, and I like shoes that are somewhat on the obnoxious side. I like to be unique and I feel that it shows my creative side. I love creative things, and consider ikea to be one of the most creative places. I LOVE ikea. I like CB2 as well. I would love to someday have the ikea design team come in and design my kitchen.
I really enjoy architecture. I love big huge tower constructions, as well as unique Franklin Lloyd Wright like houses. I like exploring new places and finding new hole in the wall places to eat as well. I enjoy Italian food, Mexican food, Japanese food, Korean food, who am I kidding, I like any kind of food. Shepard’s Pie is one of my favorite things, next to Sushi. :)
I like to play sports, I enjoy softball, tennis, basketball, volleyball, ping-pong, pretty much any sports I will try at least once. I like to stay active. I love to play strategy stuff too, and love thinking about the game as a whole, and someday I would love to be a manager or a coach of a team. Speaking of team, I love the Olympics, I love to watch cities compete with each other to try to host the Olympics. I would love to be on a team that tries to bring the Olympics to a city as well. On Sundays, I love going out and playing softball with my friends, I love my friends. Softball is the main way I have met my friends, and I absolutely adore them. I am not sure how my life would be without my friends. Since I am not very close to my family, my friends are not only something I enjoy, they are valuable to me. I enjoy going out after a game and having a beer, and getting to know people in more than just softball ways.
I like long walks, late night food, sleeping in, waking up early, walking the dog, working out, being lazy, and pretty much anything that is important to being a human. I enjoy dreaming big, and putting myself out there and living in the present. I like to be inspired, and I like to inspire people as well. Speaking of inspired, I am posting one of my favorite clips from youtube as well. Just click on the word "Easily Amused?" on the title line (select the user from the video and you will find something else special Aaron, Tom and Steve). This inspires me, and wish I could play the piano like this, and sing like this too. I found this clip on a lazy Sunday afternoon while I was laying around with Molly (my puppy). I enjoy things that make full circle, and ironically, football is on TV, still muted. I hear the city below me, and I feel happy that I am living in a wonderful city.
Dream big, worry little. Todd, things will get better, I promise. :) Good things happen to good people....
Saturday, October 07, 2006
What I Believe In.
I believe that there is a simple solution to everything. I also believe those simple solutions may sometimes be a very difficult process to find. Sometimes (probably most of the times) answering the questions is less important than questioning the answers. I believe that for every problem there is a possibility. I guess for ever action there is a reaction, and for every matter, there is an anti-matter. (Thanks for the inspiration Dan Brown...)
I believe that there is someone for everyone. Not just one person, but there are many people out there that you could make it work with, as long as you give it a try and willing to work things out. I believe that race, ethnicity, social economic status, educational status, political views are important but should not be barriers to relationships, but opportunities for a relationship. I think some major differences can not be changed, but sometimes there is no choice to change, and people need to weigh what they value and they need to make a change, either with the relationship, or with themselves.
I believe in the power of food. (and specifically ice cream) I feel that issues of body image are stressed too much in society and people are getting extremely unhappy with their self and putting on so much pressure themselves. I understand and believe the health aspect of keeping one self in good shape, but I also strongly believe that some times people are making unhealthy decisions about themselves in order to lose weight and I think people need to take care of themselves physically, but more importantly, they need to be healthy mentally. Which brings me back to my original notion of power of food. Food is great. I can't stop eating sometimes. I believe in trying anything, trying foods that I have never had, and trying things that I might never try without the right opportunities. I think usually everything tastes just fine, as long as I can mentally get over some issues.
I believe in a balanced political view. I don't believe in swinging right or left, so that you can't see the view on the other side. I believe that every president has made good choices, and every president has made bad. It's more important if you see them on both sides rather than criticize all moves without evaluating why.
I believe that attraction exists, but love is a word that was created because there was no other way of expressing it other than "all other feelings as assigned". I believe that love complicates things much more than make things better. People can experience wonderful things with love, but I have seen so much heartache and pain that is cause by it too. I believe that people can feel attraction and happiness without experiencing love, and sometimes when people feel love it really is a mixture of trust, happiness, care and comfort. Things that have been defined in the past. Not sure if love has a definition without using the word LOVE itself.
I believe that education is for everyone, both K-12 and college. I feel that the more eructated you are, the more challenged your mind is, and thus, the more critical you can think of things. Critical thinking is one of the most underappreciated human characteristic in my mind. If someone critically thinks of something, he or she is usually considered as an annoyance. Questions such as "why do you have to be so critical" comes to my mind, and the answer is simple. "Because I can." (simple answer, difficult process...)
I believe that good friends are hard to come by. Many people come and go, many will hurt you, many will do things that upset you, and many will just be there when you need them most. Whatever the friendship is, never compromise your values in order to fit a friendship that doesn't work. Friendships should be something you work at, but if the working doesn't come naturally, I don't think people should be friends with anyone. It's better to not have any friends than have bad ones. I believe I have been blessed with having great friends in my life. I also believe that I made great decisions of breaking away from some friends that I spent a lot of time with that turned out that they weren't good friends at all. It makes me happy to know that my core values are still good, and those things that you don't need to compromise should not only be respected, but celebrated for being who you are. Just be you.
I believe in so many other things, but I also believe that if I write more, you will stop reading this. So, thus, I will rest my pen now. I might continue this, or I may not. I believe the choice is mine. :)
I believe that there is someone for everyone. Not just one person, but there are many people out there that you could make it work with, as long as you give it a try and willing to work things out. I believe that race, ethnicity, social economic status, educational status, political views are important but should not be barriers to relationships, but opportunities for a relationship. I think some major differences can not be changed, but sometimes there is no choice to change, and people need to weigh what they value and they need to make a change, either with the relationship, or with themselves.
I believe in the power of food. (and specifically ice cream) I feel that issues of body image are stressed too much in society and people are getting extremely unhappy with their self and putting on so much pressure themselves. I understand and believe the health aspect of keeping one self in good shape, but I also strongly believe that some times people are making unhealthy decisions about themselves in order to lose weight and I think people need to take care of themselves physically, but more importantly, they need to be healthy mentally. Which brings me back to my original notion of power of food. Food is great. I can't stop eating sometimes. I believe in trying anything, trying foods that I have never had, and trying things that I might never try without the right opportunities. I think usually everything tastes just fine, as long as I can mentally get over some issues.
I believe in a balanced political view. I don't believe in swinging right or left, so that you can't see the view on the other side. I believe that every president has made good choices, and every president has made bad. It's more important if you see them on both sides rather than criticize all moves without evaluating why.
I believe that attraction exists, but love is a word that was created because there was no other way of expressing it other than "all other feelings as assigned". I believe that love complicates things much more than make things better. People can experience wonderful things with love, but I have seen so much heartache and pain that is cause by it too. I believe that people can feel attraction and happiness without experiencing love, and sometimes when people feel love it really is a mixture of trust, happiness, care and comfort. Things that have been defined in the past. Not sure if love has a definition without using the word LOVE itself.
I believe that education is for everyone, both K-12 and college. I feel that the more eructated you are, the more challenged your mind is, and thus, the more critical you can think of things. Critical thinking is one of the most underappreciated human characteristic in my mind. If someone critically thinks of something, he or she is usually considered as an annoyance. Questions such as "why do you have to be so critical" comes to my mind, and the answer is simple. "Because I can." (simple answer, difficult process...)
I believe that good friends are hard to come by. Many people come and go, many will hurt you, many will do things that upset you, and many will just be there when you need them most. Whatever the friendship is, never compromise your values in order to fit a friendship that doesn't work. Friendships should be something you work at, but if the working doesn't come naturally, I don't think people should be friends with anyone. It's better to not have any friends than have bad ones. I believe I have been blessed with having great friends in my life. I also believe that I made great decisions of breaking away from some friends that I spent a lot of time with that turned out that they weren't good friends at all. It makes me happy to know that my core values are still good, and those things that you don't need to compromise should not only be respected, but celebrated for being who you are. Just be you.
I believe in so many other things, but I also believe that if I write more, you will stop reading this. So, thus, I will rest my pen now. I might continue this, or I may not. I believe the choice is mine. :)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Who I am.
I am 32 years old, and 6'1 180lbs dark hair and brown eyes. I am half Japanese and half American. My American side is really unknown - my Mom's madden name is "White", I am not sure if that gives out too much information. Maybe English? Religiously I am Christian, but non-denominational. I often seem to rely on my faith when bad things are happening, and rely on the idea of luck, or destiny when good things are happening. My sexuality is gay, and often feel that I unable to fall in love. I wonder if I ever will, or even more importantly start believing that I will fall in love. Sometimes I don't even believe in love - That's a lie, it's more often than not I don't believe in it. I would probably put myself in the upper side of the low income bracket. I probably make much less than my friends my age, but considering my housing is covered, I have a good life. My name is also interesting. My first name is Shigeo, which I go by at work. My friends know me as James - my middle name. This was started because many people couldn't pronounce the name Shigeo, and it made me frustrated. (pronounced she-gay-o)
My professional career is fantastic. I love my job. I am a resident director at the University of Illinois at Chicago. I live on campus like I said earlier, and I get to supervise two of the front desk managers, 16 of the resident assistants, 1 assistant resident director, and 1 office assistant. I also advise a fraternity on campus, and also the residence hall government for south campus - which I am super excited about! These students are so cool, and I really am excited with what they might accomplish this year. This is my 6th year in Student Affairs, and I am starting to feel more like a veteran every day of my life. With that, I am feeling more and more confident at what I do, and rediscovering my job every day as a new opportunity presents itself every day.
Educationally, I have had a great experience. I graduated with a bachelors in Leadership Development from St. Cloud State University in St. Cloud, MN. It took 6 years to get a 4 year degree. I started my college career as a Secondary Education major, then turned Math, then Biology, then International Business, then Engineering, and finally Leadership. Hence the 6 years. after 4 and a half years, I could have graduated with an engineering degree, but I really saw passion in higher education, and I wanted to move forward in that career. Then after a stay in Philadelphia, I moved to Maryland to get my masters in Education. 2 years there, and finished my masters, and here I am today in Chicago. Ironic that all those things in my undergraduate degree which started with Education, and finally get my masters in Education to finish off my current Educational career. I plan to some day go get my Ph.D. I plan to figure out in what area soon. If you have some advise, please let me know.
I have lived all over the place. Started off in Japan, then still Japan, but moved to an island called Okinawa for 4 years, then back to Tokyo till I was 19. Then I moved to Minnesota for college which I spent the next 6 years. Then tired of the midwest, I picked up and moved to Philadelphia and started to work for a publishing company. I lied to everyone in MN, that I had a job, but I searched while I was in Philly. I didn't have the heart to tell everyone that I was leaving them for no really good reason other than my own selfishness. Then I spent 8 months in Wilmington, DE, and then moved back to Philadelphia again to the campus of La Salle University to start my career in student affairs. After 3 years at La Salle, I moved to Salisbury, MD for graduate school. Probably the worst experience of my life, but looking back, I can honestly say I was truly an amazing experience with the students that I got a chance to meet and get to know. Both years at Salisbury provided to be a great experience professionally, but personally, I hated it. HATED IT!! Interesting point about education is that I went to school in Japan from K-12. There I was labeled as Half American - so I was different. Here I come to the US and go to college I am labeled as Half Asian - Again I was different. I have struggled with this idea all my life of not fitting in quite appropriately in any societal labels.
So, that brings me to Chicago. Where I am now. Still single, still questioning religion, still questioning love, still 6'1, and 180lbs, still Japanese American, and still 32. Some of my other things are, I LOVE music. Any kind. I like to sing, not good at it, but I like it. I wish I was a signer, or an actor. I own about 300 CDs and enjoy all sorts of music. I also am a huge movie buff. I haven't had a chance to go see many movies lately, but when I do, I am the type of person that likes to show up early, sit down with a full bag of pop corn, and wait for the lights to dim so that I can enjoy all of the previews. Time is a huge stickler for me. I hate being late. I hate people that are late too. In fact, I am usually early to everything. I end up usually wasting a lot of life because of it, waiting around for 10-15 minutes for people. Time is one of the biggest things that make me frustrated. I eat a lot too. I have a VERY healthy relationship with food. I'll eat anything. There is very little that I don't like. Brussels Sprouts, and Mayo is about the only two things that I have sincerely disliked so far. Oh, and black jelly beans too.
Sexually I have been pretty adventurous at times. I am active in sex, but yet, fairly selective with sex as well. I tend to fear sincere intimacy, but yet, I desire it. I have a hard time committing to the idea of a relationship, but yet, I constantly wonder what it would be like to be in one. Sex is something that is really fun to me, and sometimes I wonder if it isn't as powerful as it should be in my mind. By no means is it casual, but yet, to me, it doesn't seem like a big deal. I want it to be, but for some reason, I don't view it that way currently.
Making friends doesn't come easy for me. People always think it does for me, but I am one of the most introverted people when it comes to putting myself out there. Most of it comes from a lack of confidence in feeling attractive enough, or funny enough, or even important enough to make a new friend. You know that guy that is always pushed out of a circle of conversation, or people unintentionally turn their back on and the conversation suddenly excludes people? that's always me. I also get pushed out of a conversation, or easily taken advantage of. People joke with me a lot, and sometimes say mean things and hurt my feelings a lot. I tend to not be able to decipher the difference of a joke and seriousness sometimes. I also struggle with trusting people. I either trust someone too much, and don't get the same level in return, or can't trust people enough, and end up pushing myself too much and doing an half ass job. Socially, I always feel awkward and don't feel like I have figured out my niche in this world. I often try to be someone I am not, and end up being exhausted trying to fit in. I often care more about how others feel than how I feel, and ends up hurting me more.
So, other things. I like long walks, I like ice cream - especially the snickers ice cream bars my absolute favorite, I like McDonnalds milkshakes and chicken nuggets, I like to read, I like to camp, I like sports - baseball is my favorite. I like to play sports - I enjoy just about everything. I am probably one of the most competitive people I know, sometimes it gets me in trouble because of it. I LOVE Ikea - I could live there. I like CB2 and Crate and Barrle, I really like coffee - dunkin donuts coffee is my favorite no matter how childish that makes me feel. Jason Mraz is my favorite signer, and Bon Jovi and U2 are a close second. I LOVE jazz, I like country, I like pop, and I love rock. Yeah, I like it all, I really like SexyBack. I laugh a lot at stupid commercials, in fact I laugh a lot at ones that are probably not that funny. I am easily amused. I love shopping at Target and getting things I probably don't need. I love buying new shoes. Boy do I love shoes. I love chips and salsa - mild salsa, and Chipotle makes me happy. I enjoy riding subways, and going different places. I really like parks, and going downtown and people watching - I make up stories for them. I am scared of heights, and I can't stand going up in tall buildings in an elevator - it makes me really nervous.
Respect, Trust, and Honesty are the three things I value most in my life. So far, I feel I have lived a full life and I really have enjoyed who I am today. I am glad I have an opportunity to share this with everyone, and I hope this is one small step towards getting to know who I am, and knowing why I do things the way I do sometimes.
Thanks. - Me.
My professional career is fantastic. I love my job. I am a resident director at the University of Illinois at Chicago. I live on campus like I said earlier, and I get to supervise two of the front desk managers, 16 of the resident assistants, 1 assistant resident director, and 1 office assistant. I also advise a fraternity on campus, and also the residence hall government for south campus - which I am super excited about! These students are so cool, and I really am excited with what they might accomplish this year. This is my 6th year in Student Affairs, and I am starting to feel more like a veteran every day of my life. With that, I am feeling more and more confident at what I do, and rediscovering my job every day as a new opportunity presents itself every day.
Educationally, I have had a great experience. I graduated with a bachelors in Leadership Development from St. Cloud State University in St. Cloud, MN. It took 6 years to get a 4 year degree. I started my college career as a Secondary Education major, then turned Math, then Biology, then International Business, then Engineering, and finally Leadership. Hence the 6 years. after 4 and a half years, I could have graduated with an engineering degree, but I really saw passion in higher education, and I wanted to move forward in that career. Then after a stay in Philadelphia, I moved to Maryland to get my masters in Education. 2 years there, and finished my masters, and here I am today in Chicago. Ironic that all those things in my undergraduate degree which started with Education, and finally get my masters in Education to finish off my current Educational career. I plan to some day go get my Ph.D. I plan to figure out in what area soon. If you have some advise, please let me know.
I have lived all over the place. Started off in Japan, then still Japan, but moved to an island called Okinawa for 4 years, then back to Tokyo till I was 19. Then I moved to Minnesota for college which I spent the next 6 years. Then tired of the midwest, I picked up and moved to Philadelphia and started to work for a publishing company. I lied to everyone in MN, that I had a job, but I searched while I was in Philly. I didn't have the heart to tell everyone that I was leaving them for no really good reason other than my own selfishness. Then I spent 8 months in Wilmington, DE, and then moved back to Philadelphia again to the campus of La Salle University to start my career in student affairs. After 3 years at La Salle, I moved to Salisbury, MD for graduate school. Probably the worst experience of my life, but looking back, I can honestly say I was truly an amazing experience with the students that I got a chance to meet and get to know. Both years at Salisbury provided to be a great experience professionally, but personally, I hated it. HATED IT!! Interesting point about education is that I went to school in Japan from K-12. There I was labeled as Half American - so I was different. Here I come to the US and go to college I am labeled as Half Asian - Again I was different. I have struggled with this idea all my life of not fitting in quite appropriately in any societal labels.
So, that brings me to Chicago. Where I am now. Still single, still questioning religion, still questioning love, still 6'1, and 180lbs, still Japanese American, and still 32. Some of my other things are, I LOVE music. Any kind. I like to sing, not good at it, but I like it. I wish I was a signer, or an actor. I own about 300 CDs and enjoy all sorts of music. I also am a huge movie buff. I haven't had a chance to go see many movies lately, but when I do, I am the type of person that likes to show up early, sit down with a full bag of pop corn, and wait for the lights to dim so that I can enjoy all of the previews. Time is a huge stickler for me. I hate being late. I hate people that are late too. In fact, I am usually early to everything. I end up usually wasting a lot of life because of it, waiting around for 10-15 minutes for people. Time is one of the biggest things that make me frustrated. I eat a lot too. I have a VERY healthy relationship with food. I'll eat anything. There is very little that I don't like. Brussels Sprouts, and Mayo is about the only two things that I have sincerely disliked so far. Oh, and black jelly beans too.
Sexually I have been pretty adventurous at times. I am active in sex, but yet, fairly selective with sex as well. I tend to fear sincere intimacy, but yet, I desire it. I have a hard time committing to the idea of a relationship, but yet, I constantly wonder what it would be like to be in one. Sex is something that is really fun to me, and sometimes I wonder if it isn't as powerful as it should be in my mind. By no means is it casual, but yet, to me, it doesn't seem like a big deal. I want it to be, but for some reason, I don't view it that way currently.
Making friends doesn't come easy for me. People always think it does for me, but I am one of the most introverted people when it comes to putting myself out there. Most of it comes from a lack of confidence in feeling attractive enough, or funny enough, or even important enough to make a new friend. You know that guy that is always pushed out of a circle of conversation, or people unintentionally turn their back on and the conversation suddenly excludes people? that's always me. I also get pushed out of a conversation, or easily taken advantage of. People joke with me a lot, and sometimes say mean things and hurt my feelings a lot. I tend to not be able to decipher the difference of a joke and seriousness sometimes. I also struggle with trusting people. I either trust someone too much, and don't get the same level in return, or can't trust people enough, and end up pushing myself too much and doing an half ass job. Socially, I always feel awkward and don't feel like I have figured out my niche in this world. I often try to be someone I am not, and end up being exhausted trying to fit in. I often care more about how others feel than how I feel, and ends up hurting me more.
So, other things. I like long walks, I like ice cream - especially the snickers ice cream bars my absolute favorite, I like McDonnalds milkshakes and chicken nuggets, I like to read, I like to camp, I like sports - baseball is my favorite. I like to play sports - I enjoy just about everything. I am probably one of the most competitive people I know, sometimes it gets me in trouble because of it. I LOVE Ikea - I could live there. I like CB2 and Crate and Barrle, I really like coffee - dunkin donuts coffee is my favorite no matter how childish that makes me feel. Jason Mraz is my favorite signer, and Bon Jovi and U2 are a close second. I LOVE jazz, I like country, I like pop, and I love rock. Yeah, I like it all, I really like SexyBack. I laugh a lot at stupid commercials, in fact I laugh a lot at ones that are probably not that funny. I am easily amused. I love shopping at Target and getting things I probably don't need. I love buying new shoes. Boy do I love shoes. I love chips and salsa - mild salsa, and Chipotle makes me happy. I enjoy riding subways, and going different places. I really like parks, and going downtown and people watching - I make up stories for them. I am scared of heights, and I can't stand going up in tall buildings in an elevator - it makes me really nervous.
Respect, Trust, and Honesty are the three things I value most in my life. So far, I feel I have lived a full life and I really have enjoyed who I am today. I am glad I have an opportunity to share this with everyone, and I hope this is one small step towards getting to know who I am, and knowing why I do things the way I do sometimes.
Thanks. - Me.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
There's One For Me.
So, of course, I haven't written in a while. What's new about that right? Since I am so busy with opening the residence halls at UIC, I figured I should be allowed to not write for a while. But, since I have a readership of about three people, I figured I should post something.
The other day, I was having a conversation with one of my students and the conversation of love came up. Now, I am fairly skeptical in my beliefs of love. I think the idea of love is a fantastic thing, but I am just not sure how much I believe in the idea of "all you need is love". I am sure John Lennon was onto something there, but is it really something you can trust?
But more importantly, back to my conversation. In our conversation, the notion of "there is someone out there for you" came up as a way of saying "it's ok, because life goes on" sort of tone to the conversation. A mixture of one tablespoon of hope sugar, and a 2 cups bitter juice. It seems like it would be the perfect cool down drink to be able to cope from a loss of a summer fling.
As I sip on my juice that is more part bitter than sweet, I got to think "is there really someone out there for us". As I sit there and talk to my student, I quickly realize that this conversation leads to no where good. Unless we are looking for a pity party, this, "life goes on" crap is only a nice way of saying, "suck it up, and move on". Do, we need to suck it up and move on? Or is there a new way of looking at things??
There are almost seven billion people in the world today. If you assume that you do have one person out there for you, the chances are 1:7,000,000,000. That's a whole lot of pressure that we are putting on ourselves. When two people find each other, they say that "you hear" bells ring and you just "know" that they were meant for each other. Well, I say cut the crap and start being a little more real about this. Life is about finding "some"one - not some"one". If you assume that you are more happy with another person to share your life, why do we put so much pressure on the idea of finding the "perfect" man or woman? What the heck does perfection look like anyway? There must be millions of people out there that are perfect for me. But yet so often, we focus on what we don't have rather than what we do. If the millions of people out there are perfect for me, then I should be able to find "some"one for me too, and eventually have my happily ever after.
I ended my conversation with my student with the idea of pressure and how much we put on ourselves to find that one perfect person. The truth is, just about anyone could actually be perfect for you, as long as you worked at the relationship and strive for happiness. Sure, we have issues with unattractiveness, too much drama, too much attitude, not good enough body, not good in bed, not affectionate enough, too affectionate, too career driven, not driven enough, not nice enough, too nice, too old, too young...If we look at anyone, we could make it work. Trying to find that "one special person" only make it that much more difficult for you to search for happiness. It's virtually like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Why not just try the hay, and live life on a little on the edge? Hay Yeah... :)
The other day, I was having a conversation with one of my students and the conversation of love came up. Now, I am fairly skeptical in my beliefs of love. I think the idea of love is a fantastic thing, but I am just not sure how much I believe in the idea of "all you need is love". I am sure John Lennon was onto something there, but is it really something you can trust?
But more importantly, back to my conversation. In our conversation, the notion of "there is someone out there for you" came up as a way of saying "it's ok, because life goes on" sort of tone to the conversation. A mixture of one tablespoon of hope sugar, and a 2 cups bitter juice. It seems like it would be the perfect cool down drink to be able to cope from a loss of a summer fling.
As I sip on my juice that is more part bitter than sweet, I got to think "is there really someone out there for us". As I sit there and talk to my student, I quickly realize that this conversation leads to no where good. Unless we are looking for a pity party, this, "life goes on" crap is only a nice way of saying, "suck it up, and move on". Do, we need to suck it up and move on? Or is there a new way of looking at things??
There are almost seven billion people in the world today. If you assume that you do have one person out there for you, the chances are 1:7,000,000,000. That's a whole lot of pressure that we are putting on ourselves. When two people find each other, they say that "you hear" bells ring and you just "know" that they were meant for each other. Well, I say cut the crap and start being a little more real about this. Life is about finding "some"one - not some"one". If you assume that you are more happy with another person to share your life, why do we put so much pressure on the idea of finding the "perfect" man or woman? What the heck does perfection look like anyway? There must be millions of people out there that are perfect for me. But yet so often, we focus on what we don't have rather than what we do. If the millions of people out there are perfect for me, then I should be able to find "some"one for me too, and eventually have my happily ever after.
I ended my conversation with my student with the idea of pressure and how much we put on ourselves to find that one perfect person. The truth is, just about anyone could actually be perfect for you, as long as you worked at the relationship and strive for happiness. Sure, we have issues with unattractiveness, too much drama, too much attitude, not good enough body, not good in bed, not affectionate enough, too affectionate, too career driven, not driven enough, not nice enough, too nice, too old, too young...If we look at anyone, we could make it work. Trying to find that "one special person" only make it that much more difficult for you to search for happiness. It's virtually like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Why not just try the hay, and live life on a little on the edge? Hay Yeah... :)
Monday, July 24, 2006
Oxygyn Masks
Ok, so, how many of you pay attention to the flight attendant's announcement before we take off on a plain about safety instructions? Pretty much no one right? Well, maybe the first time you paid attention because you pretty much knew that plain was going to crash, and you would have live through a traumatic and ironic moment, but once the plain landed, you realized that flying was really safe after all. But really, they say some pretty interesting stuff when they are about to take off.
Ever wonder why you have to put your tray and seat in the upright position when you fly? I don't know either, if you do, please let me know.
But more importantly, do you remember what happens when the cabin pressure goes down in the plain? Yes, the yellow masks come down. And what happens? Yes, people panic. In the movies, when the yellow masks are coming down, you know that plain is about to go down...or at least maybe not down, but it is about to drop 10,000 feet before the pilot can dramatically turn the plain around and stabilize it. So, assuming there was no panic in the plain, what do they tell you to do when the yellow masks come down? Well, put it on your face, duh. Everyone knows that. But there is one situation that makes this very important. If you are traveling with small children and they can't put on their own mask then what? Those kids need oxygen too, and you not only have a obligation, but also a responsibility to help them get to their mask.
So, what do you do? Help the child first. Wrong. You help the child second. Correct! That's at least what the flight attendants say during the safety instructions as well. Why do you help yourself first, and not your own children? Do you let the children suffer? Well, kinda, but not totally.
If you don't put your own mask on first, you can't help anyone else. In other words, If you don't help yourself, you can't help others. And sometimes life comes down to that too. You just need to play the selfish card to be able to take care of your basic needs before you can assist others. Maslow would say that you need to be able to achieve the basic levels of needs before you can achieve the higher levels of needs. These higher levels include, social needs, self esteem needs, and many psychological needs. If we can't reach or achieve satisfaction levels at the lower needs which are typically physiological needs, we aren't able to move forwards. For example, someone that was homeless and didn't have a place to sleep wouldn't really have the time to satisfy the area of friendships or self esteem normally. Once they move to a shelter, they might start making friends, but only after they have gotten off the streets, and are able to not be worried about shelter or food.
This week was a perfect example of that. I couldn't help but question my own values, and trying to figure out what my place was, and where I fit into the bigger picture. With all of the negative issues surrounding this week, there were things I need to take care of even if appeared that I was being selfish. I might have lost some friends through this act of selfishness. And that's fine by me. The most important thing is that I stuck to my thoughts and I was able to be selfish when it mattered to me the most. Maybe I didn't have a choice. But, the one choice I did make was a purely selfish one. Maybe I am tired, and maybe this is the transition that I have been looking for all along. Maybe some friendships aren't meant to last, maybe some friendships are supposed to make it through. I am not sure if the call I made was right or wrong. But I don't care. Not one bit. Because after all, I get to put my own oxygen mask over my own head first. It's what I need to do in order to breath better.
Ever wonder why you have to put your tray and seat in the upright position when you fly? I don't know either, if you do, please let me know.
But more importantly, do you remember what happens when the cabin pressure goes down in the plain? Yes, the yellow masks come down. And what happens? Yes, people panic. In the movies, when the yellow masks are coming down, you know that plain is about to go down...or at least maybe not down, but it is about to drop 10,000 feet before the pilot can dramatically turn the plain around and stabilize it. So, assuming there was no panic in the plain, what do they tell you to do when the yellow masks come down? Well, put it on your face, duh. Everyone knows that. But there is one situation that makes this very important. If you are traveling with small children and they can't put on their own mask then what? Those kids need oxygen too, and you not only have a obligation, but also a responsibility to help them get to their mask.
So, what do you do? Help the child first. Wrong. You help the child second. Correct! That's at least what the flight attendants say during the safety instructions as well. Why do you help yourself first, and not your own children? Do you let the children suffer? Well, kinda, but not totally.
If you don't put your own mask on first, you can't help anyone else. In other words, If you don't help yourself, you can't help others. And sometimes life comes down to that too. You just need to play the selfish card to be able to take care of your basic needs before you can assist others. Maslow would say that you need to be able to achieve the basic levels of needs before you can achieve the higher levels of needs. These higher levels include, social needs, self esteem needs, and many psychological needs. If we can't reach or achieve satisfaction levels at the lower needs which are typically physiological needs, we aren't able to move forwards. For example, someone that was homeless and didn't have a place to sleep wouldn't really have the time to satisfy the area of friendships or self esteem normally. Once they move to a shelter, they might start making friends, but only after they have gotten off the streets, and are able to not be worried about shelter or food.
This week was a perfect example of that. I couldn't help but question my own values, and trying to figure out what my place was, and where I fit into the bigger picture. With all of the negative issues surrounding this week, there were things I need to take care of even if appeared that I was being selfish. I might have lost some friends through this act of selfishness. And that's fine by me. The most important thing is that I stuck to my thoughts and I was able to be selfish when it mattered to me the most. Maybe I didn't have a choice. But, the one choice I did make was a purely selfish one. Maybe I am tired, and maybe this is the transition that I have been looking for all along. Maybe some friendships aren't meant to last, maybe some friendships are supposed to make it through. I am not sure if the call I made was right or wrong. But I don't care. Not one bit. Because after all, I get to put my own oxygen mask over my own head first. It's what I need to do in order to breath better.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Rules of Attraction
So today, I went over to Lincoln Park to walk around and get a dose of window shopping, and buying a new CD or two at the Best Buy. During this time, in Chicago, there are so many establishments that have an outdoor seating section. People are talking, eating, being seen, and enjoying their time with the Chicago summers. I couldn't help but try to listen into their random conversations as I walked by, and made up stories for all of the people.
During this time, I noticed that many people were rather attractive in this neighborhood. Everywhere I looked, there were attractive people. I almost felt like I didn't belong in this neighborhood or something. As I normally do, this got me thinking as I walked to my bus stop at Fullerton and Halsted. Over and over in my head, I couldn't avoid the question, "What makes someone attractive?" I started to think about this, and started to rationally break things down into subgroups to try to figure out this answer.
For example, if my friends and I were at a bar, and people were to come up to us as a group, I wouldn't be one of those people that people drool over. But yet, what makes someone that? Are people just more lucky and "more attractive?" Are there attractive levels, and thus, do people abide to these levels and if you are a higher level, do you earn the right to be able to dismiss the people "lower" than you? Who determines who is more attractive than who?
It got me to really think that life couldn't possibly be this crule. Then another thought popped in my mind. Is it possible that we are all attractive? Just that some people come accross as being "unattractive" because of they aren't their ideal? Let me explain further. Does everyone have a perfect image? Those people that are unattractive, are they missing perfection? For example, does everyone have a perfect weight? a perfect hair style? a perfect color to wear? a perfect muscle tone? It's just that this is different for everyone, and eveyone needs to figure out what exactly is the perfect look for every individual?
So, here are two theories, 1, everyone is attractive in nature, but people aren't the right weight, hair cut, muscle, clothe style, or theory 2, there are attractive people and unattractive people flat out in the world. With theory 1, my theory, I guess it gives everyone the ability to change, and improve themselves. Some of it might take work, but at least it gives people hope. Of course this is assuming that people who feel unattractive, are those people that feel that there is something "wrong" with them. In theory 2, if you are one of those unattractive people, then I guess your life is doomed, and you need to meet another unattractive person and live unhappily ever after.
On that note, I would never say I am an beautiful, or attractive person. I'd like to say that I am a really good person that could make someone really happy. But in a society where the rules of attraction are so rigid, how does one become transparent enough that your inner beauty becomes more of a focus than your outer look? This is the question in which I shall rest for now, and continue my thought process for another posting. :)
During this time, I noticed that many people were rather attractive in this neighborhood. Everywhere I looked, there were attractive people. I almost felt like I didn't belong in this neighborhood or something. As I normally do, this got me thinking as I walked to my bus stop at Fullerton and Halsted. Over and over in my head, I couldn't avoid the question, "What makes someone attractive?" I started to think about this, and started to rationally break things down into subgroups to try to figure out this answer.
For example, if my friends and I were at a bar, and people were to come up to us as a group, I wouldn't be one of those people that people drool over. But yet, what makes someone that? Are people just more lucky and "more attractive?" Are there attractive levels, and thus, do people abide to these levels and if you are a higher level, do you earn the right to be able to dismiss the people "lower" than you? Who determines who is more attractive than who?
It got me to really think that life couldn't possibly be this crule. Then another thought popped in my mind. Is it possible that we are all attractive? Just that some people come accross as being "unattractive" because of they aren't their ideal? Let me explain further. Does everyone have a perfect image? Those people that are unattractive, are they missing perfection? For example, does everyone have a perfect weight? a perfect hair style? a perfect color to wear? a perfect muscle tone? It's just that this is different for everyone, and eveyone needs to figure out what exactly is the perfect look for every individual?
So, here are two theories, 1, everyone is attractive in nature, but people aren't the right weight, hair cut, muscle, clothe style, or theory 2, there are attractive people and unattractive people flat out in the world. With theory 1, my theory, I guess it gives everyone the ability to change, and improve themselves. Some of it might take work, but at least it gives people hope. Of course this is assuming that people who feel unattractive, are those people that feel that there is something "wrong" with them. In theory 2, if you are one of those unattractive people, then I guess your life is doomed, and you need to meet another unattractive person and live unhappily ever after.
On that note, I would never say I am an beautiful, or attractive person. I'd like to say that I am a really good person that could make someone really happy. But in a society where the rules of attraction are so rigid, how does one become transparent enough that your inner beauty becomes more of a focus than your outer look? This is the question in which I shall rest for now, and continue my thought process for another posting. :)
Friday, June 16, 2006
Believe in Yourself
So, it's official. I have moved into my new apartment in Chicago. This apartment is bigger than I could ever imagine, and the biggest that I have had since I have been living in the residence halls. I have a great view of the Chicago skyline from my apartment, and overall there is culture around me that I really missed in Salisbury.
I was waiting for a subway on the Blue Line here in Chicago, and there was a person playing the guitar for tips. Yes, subway stations have such fantastic acoustics that even I could probably sound good. But still, the fact remains that he was really talented, and he really could sing. He might have been in his early 30s, clothe that probably had been worn for about 3 days straight. He had a out of style, under maintenanced afro to his hair, and shoes that probably had walked about 20,000 miles more than it's capacity. Nevertheless, he was putting himself out there, and passionately sang his song about Love, Hope, and Religion. I stood there and listened to his music for about 5 minutes till my train came and echoed throughout the station so that I couldn't hear his voice any more. On my way to getting on the train, I put a dollar and some loose change I had in my pocket in his guitar case.
After getting on the subway, it made me think about the culture, and seeing so much diversity in Chicago. It really got me excited about the opportunities for myself and allowing myself to be the person I want to be. If that man can sit in the middle of a subway station and make a difference in my life, I have the same kind of opportunities as he does, minus perhaps the talent in playing a guitar. Too many times we don't do things because we don't like the way it might look, or how your image might be compromised. Sometimes we love to sing, but don't because you don't like the way you might be seen or heard. Sometimes we love to dance, but we don't because of how others might see you being goofy, or acting "stupid". Too many times we sacrifice so much of what we love because of someone else. I guess as the saying goes..."Sing like no one is listening, Dance like no one is watching..." (there is more to that saying, but for time being I will leave that at that..)
We live in a society in which diversity is celebrated. We have so much work to do, but if we start with ourselves, and stop worrying about what others might think, and just do things and live the life you have always wanted to live, than maybe society might be a better place. Sure, it sounds selfish, but how long do we really have in life? Do we ever know? If that man can sing his heart out in the middle of the subway station crowd, what's to say we can't live our life, our dreams, and try to be original and ourselves as we like to see ourselves? We can. We don't need to wait till we have courage, or a brain, or a heart. The truth is, we already have it. Just like those guys in the movie.
The question is, do we believe we do?
I was waiting for a subway on the Blue Line here in Chicago, and there was a person playing the guitar for tips. Yes, subway stations have such fantastic acoustics that even I could probably sound good. But still, the fact remains that he was really talented, and he really could sing. He might have been in his early 30s, clothe that probably had been worn for about 3 days straight. He had a out of style, under maintenanced afro to his hair, and shoes that probably had walked about 20,000 miles more than it's capacity. Nevertheless, he was putting himself out there, and passionately sang his song about Love, Hope, and Religion. I stood there and listened to his music for about 5 minutes till my train came and echoed throughout the station so that I couldn't hear his voice any more. On my way to getting on the train, I put a dollar and some loose change I had in my pocket in his guitar case.
After getting on the subway, it made me think about the culture, and seeing so much diversity in Chicago. It really got me excited about the opportunities for myself and allowing myself to be the person I want to be. If that man can sit in the middle of a subway station and make a difference in my life, I have the same kind of opportunities as he does, minus perhaps the talent in playing a guitar. Too many times we don't do things because we don't like the way it might look, or how your image might be compromised. Sometimes we love to sing, but don't because you don't like the way you might be seen or heard. Sometimes we love to dance, but we don't because of how others might see you being goofy, or acting "stupid". Too many times we sacrifice so much of what we love because of someone else. I guess as the saying goes..."Sing like no one is listening, Dance like no one is watching..." (there is more to that saying, but for time being I will leave that at that..)
We live in a society in which diversity is celebrated. We have so much work to do, but if we start with ourselves, and stop worrying about what others might think, and just do things and live the life you have always wanted to live, than maybe society might be a better place. Sure, it sounds selfish, but how long do we really have in life? Do we ever know? If that man can sing his heart out in the middle of the subway station crowd, what's to say we can't live our life, our dreams, and try to be original and ourselves as we like to see ourselves? We can. We don't need to wait till we have courage, or a brain, or a heart. The truth is, we already have it. Just like those guys in the movie.
The question is, do we believe we do?
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Unwritten.
"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation."
- Robert F. Kennedy
So, this blog thing I have been doing has not been going so well. I haven't written much in a while, and I am disappointing my readership. It crosses my mind to write something, but many times I find myself contemplating what to write about, and in turn, can't write anything worthwhile. So, today, as I accept Steve's challenge to write something, here it goes.
We change, evolve, and most importantly we live. Every moment in life, we do all of these things. As I spend my last few days here in Salisbury, MD, I started to reflect on where I have been, and where I am going. I feel that I have changed significantly while I have been here, and grown as a person. I know it has been two years of my life, and time can stamp my chronological changes to life. But, the things that are not measured with physical attributions are the more meaningful changes and these are the things that define who you are as a person and what you stand for.
I learned most importantly the value of education, and the power of empowerment while here at Salisbury. I believe that everyone is entitled to education, and education frees so many minds rather than fostering them. I believe that questions are more empowering than answers, as answers are temporary conclusions to more questions that can and need to be raised. It is with this notion that I believe that there is no conclusive truth in the world, as there are constant changes and diversity of views that make it not only improbable, but impossible to give an idea of truth. Many times, when I argue this point people would sarcastically, and skeptically bring up "well, isn't there truth in 2+2=4?" My answer is, "sure, but it is only YOUR truth." My questions are, "who came up with these numbers?" "why did we suddenly decide this number 2, represented that it was 2?" "at what point do we accept that these numbers were a universal truth?" "is it absolutely sure that mathematics is the most basic form of communication so that the world can agree that it is the absolute truth?" Now you aren't so sure 2+2=4 is an absolute truth do you....
The empowerment of questioning the notion of truth brings one thing to the forefront. It is the fact that nothing in this world is final, and the world is filled with possibilities and opportunities to make a difference and change. The work that everyone does is a process, not a result. Yes, some answers are important in life. But these answers are things. Cures to many diseases, the ability to give birth to a child, or raise a child. The opportunities that have been provided for people that have been disenfranchised from society. The end of racism, and sexism, and hetrosexism, and all of the "isms" in the world. The answers to freedom, and equality and peace. (of course that is making the assumption that these things are good in life.) But, these things are not things that make you as a person to thrive to live your life. Live your life. There's a slogan I have seen over and over and over. Maybe someone was onto something. The truth is, (yes, the irony) the universal truth doesn't exist. And we need to define it the way you want to define it. It's unwritten. And you need to write it yourself. The next page to life is always a blank page, and you have the power to draw or color to do it however you want to do it. Because the truth is what you make it to be, and defining it, or creating a universal truth will only trap you into a notion that there is a "right way" or a "wrong way" to live your life, and that becomes not only limiting, but disrespectful to yourself and to society.
Ok, a lot of thought and no meat there. What does this all mean? As I step into the next page of my life and move to Chicago, IL, I am charged to write this next chapter of my life. I can't change what has already happened, nor do I want to. But, everything is unwritten, and I want to write, sing, dance, paint and all of the other formats in which communication is possible, to express myself for my life. If you stand at your point of life, right now, and realize that there is no truth to anything, as long as you don't get scared, suddenly there are so many doors that open your possibilities become unlimited. Don't limit yourself to anything. Nothing is impossible. Impossible is nothing. (thank you Nike.)
Watch me.
- Robert F. Kennedy
So, this blog thing I have been doing has not been going so well. I haven't written much in a while, and I am disappointing my readership. It crosses my mind to write something, but many times I find myself contemplating what to write about, and in turn, can't write anything worthwhile. So, today, as I accept Steve's challenge to write something, here it goes.
We change, evolve, and most importantly we live. Every moment in life, we do all of these things. As I spend my last few days here in Salisbury, MD, I started to reflect on where I have been, and where I am going. I feel that I have changed significantly while I have been here, and grown as a person. I know it has been two years of my life, and time can stamp my chronological changes to life. But, the things that are not measured with physical attributions are the more meaningful changes and these are the things that define who you are as a person and what you stand for.
I learned most importantly the value of education, and the power of empowerment while here at Salisbury. I believe that everyone is entitled to education, and education frees so many minds rather than fostering them. I believe that questions are more empowering than answers, as answers are temporary conclusions to more questions that can and need to be raised. It is with this notion that I believe that there is no conclusive truth in the world, as there are constant changes and diversity of views that make it not only improbable, but impossible to give an idea of truth. Many times, when I argue this point people would sarcastically, and skeptically bring up "well, isn't there truth in 2+2=4?" My answer is, "sure, but it is only YOUR truth." My questions are, "who came up with these numbers?" "why did we suddenly decide this number 2, represented that it was 2?" "at what point do we accept that these numbers were a universal truth?" "is it absolutely sure that mathematics is the most basic form of communication so that the world can agree that it is the absolute truth?" Now you aren't so sure 2+2=4 is an absolute truth do you....
The empowerment of questioning the notion of truth brings one thing to the forefront. It is the fact that nothing in this world is final, and the world is filled with possibilities and opportunities to make a difference and change. The work that everyone does is a process, not a result. Yes, some answers are important in life. But these answers are things. Cures to many diseases, the ability to give birth to a child, or raise a child. The opportunities that have been provided for people that have been disenfranchised from society. The end of racism, and sexism, and hetrosexism, and all of the "isms" in the world. The answers to freedom, and equality and peace. (of course that is making the assumption that these things are good in life.) But, these things are not things that make you as a person to thrive to live your life. Live your life. There's a slogan I have seen over and over and over. Maybe someone was onto something. The truth is, (yes, the irony) the universal truth doesn't exist. And we need to define it the way you want to define it. It's unwritten. And you need to write it yourself. The next page to life is always a blank page, and you have the power to draw or color to do it however you want to do it. Because the truth is what you make it to be, and defining it, or creating a universal truth will only trap you into a notion that there is a "right way" or a "wrong way" to live your life, and that becomes not only limiting, but disrespectful to yourself and to society.
Ok, a lot of thought and no meat there. What does this all mean? As I step into the next page of my life and move to Chicago, IL, I am charged to write this next chapter of my life. I can't change what has already happened, nor do I want to. But, everything is unwritten, and I want to write, sing, dance, paint and all of the other formats in which communication is possible, to express myself for my life. If you stand at your point of life, right now, and realize that there is no truth to anything, as long as you don't get scared, suddenly there are so many doors that open your possibilities become unlimited. Don't limit yourself to anything. Nothing is impossible. Impossible is nothing. (thank you Nike.)
Watch me.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Are we there yet?
So, here I am again, going at it with my blog. As much as I admire people for doing this, I can't help but be tired as I constantly start thinking about what I should write. Steve has such a creative tone, Tom has such a strong writing style, I, well, I am not sure what my thing is. I guess mine is that I get a little more political and philosophical I guess. Anyway, I am babbling again.
The other day I was writing my introduction to my final research paper. My research project is about retelling the stories of those students that feel marginalized and their voices have been silenced. In my intro, I eluted to the issue that life is not about the destination, but the journey. Ok, so, I understand that it is such a corny and overused motto, but I had to use it because of my reflective nature.
While I was finishing up my intro section, a little thought came into my mind that constantly bothered me through out the couple hours. "If life is a journey, not a destination, how do we ever know we are there?" "where is there?"There are many moments in life that probably can symbolize "there". First day of school, first day of high school, leaving for college, first car, first kiss, first time you have sex, engagement, marriage, first child, live goes on and on, but when do you ever feel like you "made it?" I often look at others and say "man, he/she's got it made". I wonder if people look at me and think that. I doubt it. Then when do you ever make it? Does it really matter that you make it? Does it matter how you make it? Are there shortcuts? Are there the more scenic routes?
It is said that the grass is always greener on the other side. As Americans, have we gotten so obsessed with how we compare to others that are we constantly trying to get somewhere that doesn't even make us satisfied? Are we constantly walking through this dessert for a simple illusion of water? and when we get to the water, do we even realize that it isn't water that we see any more? So many interesting questions, with no interesting answers.
Wait. Questions. If the journey is to destination, is to efforts is to result, is this the same equation to question is to answers? It is more important that we are asking questions than getting answers? So, ARE we there yet? I can't answer that question. I am not sure anyone can. Is it possible to ever know when you are there? And if it isn't, should I care? I'll admit, it's hard to let that one go. I do care about having a great job, a great place to live, having great friends. But, sometimes there isn't much we can do about the path we take on this road. All I know is that we need to keep moving forward and try to stop caring so much about where we go.
To quote one of my favorite movies, Threesome, "It's kind of like going on a vacation - you plan everything out but one day you make a wrong turn or take a detour, and you end up in some crazy place you can never find on the map, doing something you never thought you'd do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening. But, later, you realize it was the best part of the whole trip..."
Enjoy the journey, wherever the hell we are going. :)
The other day I was writing my introduction to my final research paper. My research project is about retelling the stories of those students that feel marginalized and their voices have been silenced. In my intro, I eluted to the issue that life is not about the destination, but the journey. Ok, so, I understand that it is such a corny and overused motto, but I had to use it because of my reflective nature.
While I was finishing up my intro section, a little thought came into my mind that constantly bothered me through out the couple hours. "If life is a journey, not a destination, how do we ever know we are there?" "where is there?"There are many moments in life that probably can symbolize "there". First day of school, first day of high school, leaving for college, first car, first kiss, first time you have sex, engagement, marriage, first child, live goes on and on, but when do you ever feel like you "made it?" I often look at others and say "man, he/she's got it made". I wonder if people look at me and think that. I doubt it. Then when do you ever make it? Does it really matter that you make it? Does it matter how you make it? Are there shortcuts? Are there the more scenic routes?
It is said that the grass is always greener on the other side. As Americans, have we gotten so obsessed with how we compare to others that are we constantly trying to get somewhere that doesn't even make us satisfied? Are we constantly walking through this dessert for a simple illusion of water? and when we get to the water, do we even realize that it isn't water that we see any more? So many interesting questions, with no interesting answers.
Wait. Questions. If the journey is to destination, is to efforts is to result, is this the same equation to question is to answers? It is more important that we are asking questions than getting answers? So, ARE we there yet? I can't answer that question. I am not sure anyone can. Is it possible to ever know when you are there? And if it isn't, should I care? I'll admit, it's hard to let that one go. I do care about having a great job, a great place to live, having great friends. But, sometimes there isn't much we can do about the path we take on this road. All I know is that we need to keep moving forward and try to stop caring so much about where we go.
To quote one of my favorite movies, Threesome, "It's kind of like going on a vacation - you plan everything out but one day you make a wrong turn or take a detour, and you end up in some crazy place you can never find on the map, doing something you never thought you'd do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening. But, later, you realize it was the best part of the whole trip..."
Enjoy the journey, wherever the hell we are going. :)
Monday, March 20, 2006
Thoughts on Diversity
So, I haven't posted in a while, but Tom challenged me to post, so who am I not to repond to a challenge right? Thanks Tom for kicking my butt so that it actually gets me motivated to post.
So, of course working in student affairs, the idea of diversity is a constant issue. It is woven into the fabric of every day life, and one of the most single important words in higher education, aside from the word "academics". Yet if you ask 100 people to difine diversity, you would probably get 100 different answers. How can such an important concept be so difficult to define? and more importantly, how can it be so hard to get everyone on the same page? Could this be because of the very nature of diversity and it's ramifications that allow us to be different, and thus, our differences are expressed through the many visions and philosophies to be diverse and unique? Hold that thought.
Today, I was riding in the car with my friend Will, and he was playing Jay-Z in the car. Now, I am not sure if you listen to Jay-Z but I would say he is one of those superstar rappers that is the godfather of rap, and has changed so much of music and the way the urban population expresses theirself in creative ways in the channel of music. But the one thing that bothers me in the music is the amount of the "N" word that is being used in the lyrics. Yes, I understand that whole "taking the word back" movement, and "owning the word" issue. I also understand that he is an African American rapper, and he is somewhat entitled to being able to use the word. I suppose it is the similar issue as gay people being able to use the "F" word, or even women being able to use the "C" word. But still, it bothers me about the use of these words no matter who is using them. The "N" word has been such a powerful word, and there is so much hate attached to the idea. There has been so much education and societal pressures to get that word out of racist's minds and ignorant people's vacabulary in order to discribe African American people. With all this education and great changes towards a better world, is it right that now the African American people use this very word to call themselves that? Similarly is it right for Gay people to call each other the "F" word? Is it right to have filters on some words that some people can use it around certain situations, and others can't use it?
So, here is that idea of differences comes in. I guess everyone is different and everyone is entitled to an opinion, but is there ever a right answer to this? Really is there such a think when it comes to truth when it comes to this? Or even more so, is there ever an absolute truth or anything? O.K. I am going to save that classic philosophy debate till my next post. But anyway, can diversity really be as undefineable as a psychologist's paint blurbs? But the trick is, I suppose everyone does see something in those paint blurbs, some see butter flies, some see childhood toys, others see something much more imaginative. By that same token, we I need to stop worrying about what other people define diversity as, and let people celebrate their own idea of diversity? Does that make me, indeed, a more diverse person?
There is the classic story about the thousands starfish on the beach all washed up in the middle of the night waiting for their certain death in the morning when the sun comes up and they dry up. A young man walking down the beach is picking one by one up and throwing them back into the water. Another older man says, young man, why do you even bother there are thousands of starfish, you won't be able to save them...the young man looks down and picks up another starfish and throws it into the sea and says, "maybe so, but I made a difference in that one"
I guess I need to start concentrating on saving a starfish one at a time. I can't change society on people's views on diversity and focusing on how imperfect the word is. But I can focus on making a difference in one person's life as a time, and focusing on what's good in this word and how I want to live my life.
O.K. So, I got on a really high soap box this time. I guess since I haven't posted in a while, it made me want to preach... This should be a good enough reason alone that I need to post more often...
See you soon!
So, of course working in student affairs, the idea of diversity is a constant issue. It is woven into the fabric of every day life, and one of the most single important words in higher education, aside from the word "academics". Yet if you ask 100 people to difine diversity, you would probably get 100 different answers. How can such an important concept be so difficult to define? and more importantly, how can it be so hard to get everyone on the same page? Could this be because of the very nature of diversity and it's ramifications that allow us to be different, and thus, our differences are expressed through the many visions and philosophies to be diverse and unique? Hold that thought.
Today, I was riding in the car with my friend Will, and he was playing Jay-Z in the car. Now, I am not sure if you listen to Jay-Z but I would say he is one of those superstar rappers that is the godfather of rap, and has changed so much of music and the way the urban population expresses theirself in creative ways in the channel of music. But the one thing that bothers me in the music is the amount of the "N" word that is being used in the lyrics. Yes, I understand that whole "taking the word back" movement, and "owning the word" issue. I also understand that he is an African American rapper, and he is somewhat entitled to being able to use the word. I suppose it is the similar issue as gay people being able to use the "F" word, or even women being able to use the "C" word. But still, it bothers me about the use of these words no matter who is using them. The "N" word has been such a powerful word, and there is so much hate attached to the idea. There has been so much education and societal pressures to get that word out of racist's minds and ignorant people's vacabulary in order to discribe African American people. With all this education and great changes towards a better world, is it right that now the African American people use this very word to call themselves that? Similarly is it right for Gay people to call each other the "F" word? Is it right to have filters on some words that some people can use it around certain situations, and others can't use it?
So, here is that idea of differences comes in. I guess everyone is different and everyone is entitled to an opinion, but is there ever a right answer to this? Really is there such a think when it comes to truth when it comes to this? Or even more so, is there ever an absolute truth or anything? O.K. I am going to save that classic philosophy debate till my next post. But anyway, can diversity really be as undefineable as a psychologist's paint blurbs? But the trick is, I suppose everyone does see something in those paint blurbs, some see butter flies, some see childhood toys, others see something much more imaginative. By that same token, we I need to stop worrying about what other people define diversity as, and let people celebrate their own idea of diversity? Does that make me, indeed, a more diverse person?
There is the classic story about the thousands starfish on the beach all washed up in the middle of the night waiting for their certain death in the morning when the sun comes up and they dry up. A young man walking down the beach is picking one by one up and throwing them back into the water. Another older man says, young man, why do you even bother there are thousands of starfish, you won't be able to save them...the young man looks down and picks up another starfish and throws it into the sea and says, "maybe so, but I made a difference in that one"
I guess I need to start concentrating on saving a starfish one at a time. I can't change society on people's views on diversity and focusing on how imperfect the word is. But I can focus on making a difference in one person's life as a time, and focusing on what's good in this word and how I want to live my life.
O.K. So, I got on a really high soap box this time. I guess since I haven't posted in a while, it made me want to preach... This should be a good enough reason alone that I need to post more often...
See you soon!
Friday, January 20, 2006
Spare some change?
I attended a professional workshop that was about change, and how to adapt to it, and to evaluate the way we see change. The book "Who Moved My Cheese" was used to accelerate the breakdown of change. During this workshop, I came to realize my own adaptation to change, and how flexible I am to change. Then I got to thinking about the characters of the book, and how I quickly identified with one of the characters named "Sniff". Sniff is one of those mice that is constantly moving and looking for the next thing and is checking things out as things start to get stale or less interesting, Sniff starts to make a move and go searching for new things.
I have always been this way. Always constantly thinking of the next thing, the next big project, the next job, the next season, the next everything. I have always been eager to change, and always looking for something more than I have. While my discussion in my little subgroup talk, it got me thinking, "do I ever live in the present?" With always looking at change, do I ever really enjoy the moment? or am I constantly focused on the next thing and am I losing who and where I am at the moment?
I think I am having a hard time dealing with this. I always have thought that I was on the ball with change and I was great at moving to new cities and adapting to a new jobs came rather easily. There are definitely benefits in being adaptable, but are there really moments that I should be living to the fullest to? or can people ever completely live in the moment? I sometimes think that subconsciously everyone looks to the future. I also think that everyone looks into their past too. But, the present is such a pivotal point in such a long continuum, that I wonder how people can really focus on such a small point in a life. I guess it's like "light waves". People used to think that light waves were actual waves, but then some hot shot scientist really found out that light waves weren't really waves but many small dots that were connected that appeared like waves.
I am at my last semester at Salisbury University, and I am already looking at my new job. I think I need to focus on where I am at, and live in the present because I only get to live life once rather than living a step ahead of me, and never being able to see all my accomplishments right now. The idea of change only works with the assumptions that there was something to change from. Many good things happen from change, like a caterpillar turning to a butterfly or a tadpole to a frog. But I need to remember that caterpillar and the tadpole also are just as significant as the butterfly and the frog. It just is so much more fun to fly, or even hop around. I may need to learn how to crawl before I can walk, but I definitely need to live in the moment and celebrate who I am right now, and not who I want to be.
I have always been this way. Always constantly thinking of the next thing, the next big project, the next job, the next season, the next everything. I have always been eager to change, and always looking for something more than I have. While my discussion in my little subgroup talk, it got me thinking, "do I ever live in the present?" With always looking at change, do I ever really enjoy the moment? or am I constantly focused on the next thing and am I losing who and where I am at the moment?
I think I am having a hard time dealing with this. I always have thought that I was on the ball with change and I was great at moving to new cities and adapting to a new jobs came rather easily. There are definitely benefits in being adaptable, but are there really moments that I should be living to the fullest to? or can people ever completely live in the moment? I sometimes think that subconsciously everyone looks to the future. I also think that everyone looks into their past too. But, the present is such a pivotal point in such a long continuum, that I wonder how people can really focus on such a small point in a life. I guess it's like "light waves". People used to think that light waves were actual waves, but then some hot shot scientist really found out that light waves weren't really waves but many small dots that were connected that appeared like waves.
I am at my last semester at Salisbury University, and I am already looking at my new job. I think I need to focus on where I am at, and live in the present because I only get to live life once rather than living a step ahead of me, and never being able to see all my accomplishments right now. The idea of change only works with the assumptions that there was something to change from. Many good things happen from change, like a caterpillar turning to a butterfly or a tadpole to a frog. But I need to remember that caterpillar and the tadpole also are just as significant as the butterfly and the frog. It just is so much more fun to fly, or even hop around. I may need to learn how to crawl before I can walk, but I definitely need to live in the moment and celebrate who I am right now, and not who I want to be.
Monday, January 09, 2006
A Mouthful of Fun!
So, I am sitting here at the university coffee shop with my new prescription for antibiotics in my hand because I have a new and improved infection in my gums. I guess I have put off the dentist too long, and finally it has caught up to me. When the nurse practitioner asked me "when was the last time you went to the dentist?" I honestly didn't know the answer to that question. Part of it is because I hate the dentist. I use the word hate intentionally here.
Flashback to my last dentist experience. It was when I was still in Minnesota, and I was eating Chinese Food, and my wisdom tooth broke. Why I didn't get them pulled in the first place leads me right back to square one of fear of the dentist. Nevertheless, my tooth broke, and I had to go to the dentist because I was in such excruciating pain. When I got to the dentist, the idea was to pull the tooth out. I then endured the needle in my mouth, and slowly my tooth got pulled out. in the mean time, I am going into a hyper-anxiety attack and before they can pull the tooth out, the last words I hear is..."James, I need you to relax...James...try to relax...take a deep breath James...oh, he passed out.." Yes, right there on the dentist bed, I passed out.
So, now, I have to head back to the dentist again, I need a lot of work done. Just the idea of it makes me sweat, and weak to my knees. But, this time I am a different man. A man with a new years resolution that includes "take better care of myself". With a somewhat forced sense of confidence, I guess I am heading to the dentist with a little more support, from all the little voices in my head. I couldn't help but think, do people ever get over their fears? Does the result justify the mean? For too long, I left the result of good health go for the fear of the dentist, and where did that get me? No where. I am kicking myself in the butt right now wishing I was a little smarter, but I guess these are some lessons I need to learn in life. Health is such a fragile but beautiful privilege in life. You don't have the right to be healthy if you don't take care of yourself, and I learned my lesson the hard way. Somethings happen without reason, but most things happen with a reason. I guess the laws of physics work for everything after all.
I guess after all said and done, it's not what you do it life, it's how you do it in life. So often I am humbled with my experiences and life keeps giving me small hints to let me know that there are so many things that make this beautiful, and yet so challenging. Who ever said life was a game anyway? Life isn't a game, in a game, there are winners and losers. And I can't imagine a life with an outcome with a loss. I'd like to think of life as more like a coloring book. Who cares if you color well or not, or stay in the lines. The important part is you keep coloring and keep turning the pages. So, all this thought because of some bad teeth...I guess I needed something to sink my teeth into something, and maybe even chew on some thoughts for a little bit...after all, Jello isn't all that filling for the mind anyway...
Flashback to my last dentist experience. It was when I was still in Minnesota, and I was eating Chinese Food, and my wisdom tooth broke. Why I didn't get them pulled in the first place leads me right back to square one of fear of the dentist. Nevertheless, my tooth broke, and I had to go to the dentist because I was in such excruciating pain. When I got to the dentist, the idea was to pull the tooth out. I then endured the needle in my mouth, and slowly my tooth got pulled out. in the mean time, I am going into a hyper-anxiety attack and before they can pull the tooth out, the last words I hear is..."James, I need you to relax...James...try to relax...take a deep breath James...oh, he passed out.." Yes, right there on the dentist bed, I passed out.
So, now, I have to head back to the dentist again, I need a lot of work done. Just the idea of it makes me sweat, and weak to my knees. But, this time I am a different man. A man with a new years resolution that includes "take better care of myself". With a somewhat forced sense of confidence, I guess I am heading to the dentist with a little more support, from all the little voices in my head. I couldn't help but think, do people ever get over their fears? Does the result justify the mean? For too long, I left the result of good health go for the fear of the dentist, and where did that get me? No where. I am kicking myself in the butt right now wishing I was a little smarter, but I guess these are some lessons I need to learn in life. Health is such a fragile but beautiful privilege in life. You don't have the right to be healthy if you don't take care of yourself, and I learned my lesson the hard way. Somethings happen without reason, but most things happen with a reason. I guess the laws of physics work for everything after all.
I guess after all said and done, it's not what you do it life, it's how you do it in life. So often I am humbled with my experiences and life keeps giving me small hints to let me know that there are so many things that make this beautiful, and yet so challenging. Who ever said life was a game anyway? Life isn't a game, in a game, there are winners and losers. And I can't imagine a life with an outcome with a loss. I'd like to think of life as more like a coloring book. Who cares if you color well or not, or stay in the lines. The important part is you keep coloring and keep turning the pages. So, all this thought because of some bad teeth...I guess I needed something to sink my teeth into something, and maybe even chew on some thoughts for a little bit...after all, Jello isn't all that filling for the mind anyway...
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Six and the City!
So, 2005 came and went. I didn't do so well on the postings in 2005, so, I made a commitment to do a better job in 2006. Sorry Steve and Tom (and sometimes Will) pretty much my only readership, I promise I will do a better job this year!
So, 2006 is going to be an exciting year for me. I am finally going to graduate with my Masters in Education in May. So what happens after that? Well, I have my fingers crosses that I will move back to Chicago, where I spent my summer. I absolutely loved it there, and I can't wait to move back and reunite will all my Chicago friends.
People say that you fall in love with something right when something is about to end. Looking back at thee last 2 years, I really had a great time here at Salisbury, MD. I met some incredible people, and people that I want to remain close to for the rest of my life. I met spectacular students and was constantly inspired to do a better job here at the University. I am really glad that some very smart people convinced me that Salisbury was the right fit for me even without the ability to drive, or being a city guy. I guess there is an opportunity for everyone here. I am going to miss this little town. After all, I guess it turned out to be a little bit country, and yet, a little bit rock and roll.
So, 2006, I am looking forward to this exciting year. I am going to make a move back into a city, where the buildings are tall, and the public transportation is plenty, where the people are diverse, and you can be whoever you want to be again. So, Two-Thousand-Six and the City, here I come! Like Carrie Bradshaw on a mission for shoes, I am on a mission for the views. (although people who know me well would say that I might go on a mission for shoes too!)
More to come in 2006!!! A special thank you to Stacie and Kyle (and the penguin) for hosting me in New Mexico for the holidays! You are wonderful, and I can't thank you enough!
So, 2006 is going to be an exciting year for me. I am finally going to graduate with my Masters in Education in May. So what happens after that? Well, I have my fingers crosses that I will move back to Chicago, where I spent my summer. I absolutely loved it there, and I can't wait to move back and reunite will all my Chicago friends.
People say that you fall in love with something right when something is about to end. Looking back at thee last 2 years, I really had a great time here at Salisbury, MD. I met some incredible people, and people that I want to remain close to for the rest of my life. I met spectacular students and was constantly inspired to do a better job here at the University. I am really glad that some very smart people convinced me that Salisbury was the right fit for me even without the ability to drive, or being a city guy. I guess there is an opportunity for everyone here. I am going to miss this little town. After all, I guess it turned out to be a little bit country, and yet, a little bit rock and roll.
So, 2006, I am looking forward to this exciting year. I am going to make a move back into a city, where the buildings are tall, and the public transportation is plenty, where the people are diverse, and you can be whoever you want to be again. So, Two-Thousand-Six and the City, here I come! Like Carrie Bradshaw on a mission for shoes, I am on a mission for the views. (although people who know me well would say that I might go on a mission for shoes too!)
More to come in 2006!!! A special thank you to Stacie and Kyle (and the penguin) for hosting me in New Mexico for the holidays! You are wonderful, and I can't thank you enough!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
On Confidence - Part Duex
So, the other night, I wrote about confidence, and I guess now it's time to follow up with that. I said that it was totally mental, and it can't be physical. I talk to my friend Will all the time about his confidence level, and he always responds positive about his image. He is probably one of the most secure people I know at his age. Then I got to thinking, what is it that Will has that I don't have?
I used to think that with age, you got more mature, and with more maturity, you could gain more confidence about yourself. But, I am finding myself, the older I get, the less confident I am feeling about myself, and the less and less "attractive" I am feeling about myself. My gosh, when did I become that guy? This is horrible, I am only 31, but yet, I am having some kind of post 20s breakdown and some kind of "pre-mid-life" crisis. Is this allowed? Am I allowed to have some kind of breakdown at 31? Or is there something else to this equation? I kept thinking about this for a while, and finally gave up. I decided, maybe I can focus on something else by watching TV. Then while channel surfing, I stumbled across a Formula One race. I used to watch this a lot when I lived in Japan, because F-1 racing is huge over there. I started to remember names like Michael Schumacher, (sp?) and all of the drivers that I used to love. Then while watching the race, I saw a car go into the pit stop. Now, I love watching people in the pit stop, how is it that a pit crew can change 4 tires, fill up gas, and wipe the windows in 10 seconds or less? I swear if you pump gas for 10 seconds at a gas station, it would only fill up about 4 gallons.
Anyway, then it hit me. Pit stop. Pit stop? PIT STOP! My goodness, the answer was always there! Everyone needs a pit stop. They say life is a journey, and you gotta keep moving. Or even, it's not the results that matter, but the process of how you get there. In our everyday life, life has gotten so busy that we barely look around to notice all the beauty that surrounds us. All of the aesthetic qualities have suddenly turned to materialistic qualities. In all the stresses that are caused with life right now, does my life need to drive into the pit stop? Make some corrections and then get back onto the road to tear up this race?
I think everyone needs a pit stop. People tend to talk about life is about multitasking, and life is short, you gotta live while you can. To people like that I say, "damn it, I am living it. Stop telling me how to live my life and back off". Confidence comes from your perception on life, I personally think. If you feel that life is good, then I am assuming you are more confident. If you feel that life sucks, then I am assuming your confidence sucks. The more you take time for yourself, the less time you have comparing your life to someone else's life. The grass is always greener on someone else's yard, but the world is round, and eventually someone always is playing catch up. Confidence is about realizing that you are who you are, and whether you like it or not, it's the best thing going on for you. In the words of Sheryl Crow, "it's not having what you want, but it's wanting what you have". Man, that's good stuff.
So, today I declare independence to the world, and today I stand a changed man. Let the world know that on 10/19/05, I went into my personal pit stop to make a turn up for my life. I guess I am good to go for another 5000 miles. In life, there is so much more that I haven't seen that I need to explore. And more importantly, knowing that it is ok to be myself, and stand strong.
Because after all...life is beautiful.
Love,
James
I used to think that with age, you got more mature, and with more maturity, you could gain more confidence about yourself. But, I am finding myself, the older I get, the less confident I am feeling about myself, and the less and less "attractive" I am feeling about myself. My gosh, when did I become that guy? This is horrible, I am only 31, but yet, I am having some kind of post 20s breakdown and some kind of "pre-mid-life" crisis. Is this allowed? Am I allowed to have some kind of breakdown at 31? Or is there something else to this equation? I kept thinking about this for a while, and finally gave up. I decided, maybe I can focus on something else by watching TV. Then while channel surfing, I stumbled across a Formula One race. I used to watch this a lot when I lived in Japan, because F-1 racing is huge over there. I started to remember names like Michael Schumacher, (sp?) and all of the drivers that I used to love. Then while watching the race, I saw a car go into the pit stop. Now, I love watching people in the pit stop, how is it that a pit crew can change 4 tires, fill up gas, and wipe the windows in 10 seconds or less? I swear if you pump gas for 10 seconds at a gas station, it would only fill up about 4 gallons.
Anyway, then it hit me. Pit stop. Pit stop? PIT STOP! My goodness, the answer was always there! Everyone needs a pit stop. They say life is a journey, and you gotta keep moving. Or even, it's not the results that matter, but the process of how you get there. In our everyday life, life has gotten so busy that we barely look around to notice all the beauty that surrounds us. All of the aesthetic qualities have suddenly turned to materialistic qualities. In all the stresses that are caused with life right now, does my life need to drive into the pit stop? Make some corrections and then get back onto the road to tear up this race?
I think everyone needs a pit stop. People tend to talk about life is about multitasking, and life is short, you gotta live while you can. To people like that I say, "damn it, I am living it. Stop telling me how to live my life and back off". Confidence comes from your perception on life, I personally think. If you feel that life is good, then I am assuming you are more confident. If you feel that life sucks, then I am assuming your confidence sucks. The more you take time for yourself, the less time you have comparing your life to someone else's life. The grass is always greener on someone else's yard, but the world is round, and eventually someone always is playing catch up. Confidence is about realizing that you are who you are, and whether you like it or not, it's the best thing going on for you. In the words of Sheryl Crow, "it's not having what you want, but it's wanting what you have". Man, that's good stuff.
So, today I declare independence to the world, and today I stand a changed man. Let the world know that on 10/19/05, I went into my personal pit stop to make a turn up for my life. I guess I am good to go for another 5000 miles. In life, there is so much more that I haven't seen that I need to explore. And more importantly, knowing that it is ok to be myself, and stand strong.
Because after all...life is beautiful.
Love,
James
Monday, October 17, 2005
On Confidence
So, I have been thinking about what it means to be a confident person. I have had several conversations with my friend Ken about wishing I wish I could be more like him. He always rolls his eyes and tells me "you gotta just do it, you don't have anything to lose". There is so much truth in that, but yet, why is it so difficult to be confident?
Then I started thinking, and the more I thought about it, I couldn't help but ask myself "when does someone gain confidence?" It's not like people are equipped with the confidence gene or anything, or even take a confidence pill or anything that suddenly boosts their confidence. So, if confidence isn't something you can genetically enhance, or chemically endorse, it leads me to believe that the root of confidence is mental, and thus, something in the brain needs to change to "gain" confidence. Which also leads me to think, what part of the brain do I need to train in order to make it more confident about myself.
I think I am going to continue to think about this a little more and post tomorrow about what I think I need to do. Stay tuned.
Then I started thinking, and the more I thought about it, I couldn't help but ask myself "when does someone gain confidence?" It's not like people are equipped with the confidence gene or anything, or even take a confidence pill or anything that suddenly boosts their confidence. So, if confidence isn't something you can genetically enhance, or chemically endorse, it leads me to believe that the root of confidence is mental, and thus, something in the brain needs to change to "gain" confidence. Which also leads me to think, what part of the brain do I need to train in order to make it more confident about myself.
I think I am going to continue to think about this a little more and post tomorrow about what I think I need to do. Stay tuned.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
My First Post
First of all, this is my first post. I guess people are using this blog thing in order to put their life out there, and let people know who they are. I guess I need to walk a fine line between getting people to know who I am, and trying not to appear too egotistical. So, without further or due, I need to say, this is my first post, and I need to try to find something interesting to say.
I guess life is pretty meaningful.
So, there. I said it. :) I want to make a big shoutout to Steve Cole, for inspiring me to do this blog thing. I think I am going to find this a really great outlet to be happy, be sad, to vent, to preach, to love and to care, to be my soap box, and also just be who I want to be. I can't wait to explore the cyber world, and to share my thoughts and ideas with many.
O.K. so that should be good enough for my first post.
Good night world. It's a bran new day.
Sincerely,
James Iwamiya
I guess life is pretty meaningful.
So, there. I said it. :) I want to make a big shoutout to Steve Cole, for inspiring me to do this blog thing. I think I am going to find this a really great outlet to be happy, be sad, to vent, to preach, to love and to care, to be my soap box, and also just be who I want to be. I can't wait to explore the cyber world, and to share my thoughts and ideas with many.
O.K. so that should be good enough for my first post.
Good night world. It's a bran new day.
Sincerely,
James Iwamiya
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)